


Free at Last

by warsisbetterthantrek



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 01:46:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14509797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warsisbetterthantrek/pseuds/warsisbetterthantrek
Summary: Kira has been waiting for choosing day for as long as she can remember. The chance to get away from her abusive father and the guilty ghost of her dead mother. Will she have what it takes to make it in Dauntless? Will she be able to hide what she is? And what happens when the man she starts to fall for wants to eradicate the city of everyone like her? Eric/OC Four/Tris





	1. Chapter 1

I woke with a start, as I did most days. Quickly quieting my fast beating heart I listened, not daring even to breathe. If I had made any noise in my sleep my father would be here in a hot second, reprimanding me for disturbing his sleep. The thought of my father's fists made my stomach drop, and my heartbeat quickened again, slowing only when I realized that I was the only one awake.

The choosing ceremony was today. My final escape from this life of fear and secrets. The light from the morning sun was just starting to peek through my bedroom window, and I sat up slowly and as silently as I could to watch the sun rise over the buildings of the city. My aptitude test had told me Dauntless…..and Erudite…and Amity. But Dauntless was what my heart had always dreamed of. Far away from the cold logic that was Erudite. My family were not high in the social hierarchy, my father was just a scientist, working on the serums like the one from our aptitude test, but we were well respected. My mother had died giving birth to me, one of the many crimes my dear father would never forgive me for. Dauntless was freedom and strength and bravery. All the things I had aspired to for as long as I could remember. Unlike the other initiates though, I had an advantage. I already knew I was strong and brave. All that was left was to be free.

Eventually the sun rose and as soon as I heard my father start to stir in the next room I did too. I pulled on my light blue slacks and my slightly darker blue shirt I pulled over a white camisole, making sure the long sleeves covered the bruises my father had given me when I didn't tell him about my aptitude test. There were finger marks on my wrist and my bicep, but I wouldn't show them now. Not yet.

We ate in silence, and when it was time to make our way to the hub I went upstairs to pull my long strawberry blonde hair into a ponytail. I had my mother's eyes. That was what people told me. To me they were unremarkable, just blue and basic. Not clear enough to make them pretty or dark enough to make them interesting. They were just blue. I inspected myself in the mirror, wanting to remember everything about who I was in that moment. I was average height for my age, average build for a reasonably well off Erudite girl. I didn't have much for curves but I wasn't terribly thin either. I had a pretty face, one thing I did admit came from my mother. I had full pink lips and a sprinkling of freckles over my petite nose and high round cheekbones. My soft pale skin would have been pretty too, if it wasn't the perfect canvas for the scars that marred my back and the backs of my legs.

"Don't you dare make me late girl." My father shouted softly from the living room. I could hear the rage in his voice, bubbling just beneath the surface. Today was a stressful day for him too. People would see whether the poor widower's daughter would stay loyally by his side or leave him forever. He was always good at playing to the crowd. There was a reason he wasn't in Candor. I took one last look in the mirror and steeled myself for what I was going to do. Today was the day I would finally take my life back into my own hands.

The hub was almost full when we entered the large domed room of the choosing ceremony, and thorough the crowd I glimpsed the bowls that held the door to my new life and my stomach flipped a little inside me. I was nervous. For the future I was about to choose and the consequences when I did. But I was home free. He would never again be able to lay a hand on me. From the moment we stepped into that room he was trapped in a social convention that stopped him from being anything other than the sad but doting father the city had seen him as since my mother's death.

We took our seats and Jeanine Matthews took the stand. Our fearless leader. She gave me the same feeling my father did, like something was brewing under the surface of her smile. Something deadly.

She talked for a while and then started calling names. My heartbeat was thudding in my ears, deafening me. I stared at the bowls as one by one new adults declared their choice, their loyalty, and themselves.

"Kira Zaluski." This was it. The final test. I had been waiting my whole life for this moment, but when it actually came, I was terrified. What if I really wasn't strong enough to make it in Dauntless, then what? Factionless? The thought made my stomach fill with lead.

Then my father grabbed my wrist. To the rest of them it looked like he was helping me stand, but they couldn't see the way he was twisting on my fresh bruises, forcing me up with hidden strength. And in that moment I knew that even life with the Factionless was better than this. It wasn't his intent, but the pain in my wrist gave me strength as I stepped up to where my other classmates had before me, and I made the choice that had been burning inside me for 18 years.

As my blood sizzled on the coals and the roar of the Dauntless hit my ears I turned to see my father's reaction. As I expected all I saw was cold fury. Even from the distance I could see his dilated pupils fill his light green eyes. For the first time in my life those eyes didn't scare me. He couldn't hurt me anymore, and as I dropped my blue shirt on the floor, that's the thought that ran through my mind. The gasps of shock as people saw the bruises, fresh ones layered over ones that were mostly healed were gratifying. The exclamations of horror as I turned towards my fellow Dauntless, and they saw the old scars on my back were delicious. But the best of all was the blotchy skin of my father, his eyes wide, humiliated and terrified as I ran out the door with my new faction.

Free at last.


	2. Chapter 2

I grabbed onto the moving train with what little strength I had left in my arms. The decision to take off my shirt and bare all to the city had been exhilarating at the time, but now I was just cold and exposed in my white camisole.

"Are you ok?" a girl clad in all grey asked quietly. An Abnegation transfer, not a common sight, but her open face helped me relax.

"I will be," I said, trying to put some fake cheer into my voice, then remembered my manners, "Thank you for asking. I'm Kira."

"Beatrice Prior," she blushed, probably knowing that the rumor mill would be churning out all kinds of nasty things about her family. Well respected leaders of Abnegation lose sweet daughter to the reckless Dauntless. And her brother had defected to Erudite if I wasn't mistaken. But I recognised abuse when I saw it, and Beatrice wasn't running away from anything. She was running towards something, and that thought that maybe we were running towards the same thing made me smile.

"A Stiff? Well at least we'll have something to entertain ourselves with," A tall dark haired boy wearing Candor white and black shouldered his way towards us, and I stepped instinctively in front of Beatrice. "The Stiff has a friend. Isn't that cute. Looks like your pretty friendly yourself Erudite, stripping off for us all on the first day," He touched the silky fabric of my camisole and I recoiled out of sheer habit, "Don't worry Red, I'll be gentle," he said his voice soft like poisoned honey. He moved towards me and without thinking I backed right up into the girl I'd been trying to protect. I cringed, feeling weak and embarrassed that I had shrunk away from him instead of fighting back.

"Enough!" One of the older Dauntless shouted to the back of the train car where we were standing. The Candor boy backed up, but didn't look away until he had melted back into his group of friends farther down the compartment.

I felt a hand touch my arm and balked for a second before I realised it was the Abnegation girl. I looked back at her and she quickly retracted her hand. The Abnegation didn't like physical contact and the small gesture filled me with warmth. She had put aside her own feelings to give me comfort in true Abnegation form.

I smiled at her and she returned it with a small shy one of her own. "Ok?" she asked quietly and I nodded my head slightly. "Ok," she said, "And thank you. It's not often people stand up for a Stiff." She spat the term out like it was poison in her mouth. I turned to face her, noticing that even though I was only a little taller than her, the grey of her old faction she looked so small and fragile. But the fire in her eyes when she said 'Stiff' made me think that they would be underestimating her to think that she was as fragile as she looked.

"You would have done the same." I smiled at her as she looked up at me about to protest, but people had started to move around us. We looked out the train car at the flat top of a building that was rapidly approaching. Then people started to jump.

"Well, Shit." A girl said beside me. She was tiny even by my standards, and her dark hair and skin clashed beautifully with her white Candor shirt. She looked up at me with chocolate brown eyes and nodded at Beatrice and I, "Together?" she asked. I nodded. Suddenly I felt a rush of comraderie towards these two girls. Even though we had just met, the three of us deciding in that moment, without knowing anything about each other, that we would have each other's backs made me warm inside. Beatrice nodded beside me and I counted as the train rounded the corner that would take us as close as it could to the edge of the roof, "On three…One, Two, Three!" We jumped and landed, rolling without grace and landing hard on the gravel of the rooftop. The Candor girl was laughing beside me when we heart a heart-wrenching scream. I looked up to see a girl crying over the edge of the building. Someone had fallen. The reality of my choice to be in Dauntless suddenly didn't seem so brave. It seemed like a death wish. I turned to look at Beatrice and ask her silently if she's ok. She nodded at me as we picked ourselves up off the ground.

"What's your name?" I ask the Candor girl, standing behind her as we look around, waiting for someone to tell us what to do.

"Christina." She says with a bright smile as a tall dark skinned man in all black stands on the edge of the roof farthest from us.

"Listen up! My name is Max, I'm one of the leaders of your new faction. Several stories below us is the members entrance to Dauntless. Now it's time to see what you're really made of." He smiled, his face was free of malice, and I knew then that this was just a scare tactic.

"You want us to jump?" the Candor boy from earlier moving behind me with a look of barely controlled calm on his face. Max looked down at him from his perch.

"If you don't have the courage to jump down, you don't belong with us." I looked at Beatrice, and I saw in her eyes that she had come to the same conclusion as I had. If she was the first to jump, it would go a long way to getting rid of her Stiff reputation. She nodded at me, barely touching my hand as she walked past me to the ledge. She pulled off her loose grey shirt to catcalls and whooping, leaving her in a tight grey t-shirt. With one final look at Christina and me, she jumped.

"Well I can't let myself be outdone by a Stiff." The Candor boy pushed roughly past me and stalked to the edge of the roof. Once Max gave him the all clear he stepped off the ledge, cocky and arrogant where Beatrice had been brave. But we heard his yelp as he hit something below. A line had started to form and with a quick look at Christina we made our way to the front. A mousy haired girl from Candor went before me, and as soon as Max gave the nod I stepped onto the ledge. From here I could see the city in the distance. I could imagine my father now. Tearing the house apart in his rage, his secrets exposed and his prisoner escaped. It all seemed so far from me now, and I felt calm and serene. The cool wind blew through my hair and I let myself fall forward, letting the darkness of the buildings swallow me whole.

I hit the net at the bottom and pain stung through the fresh bruises on my arm and the older ones on my back. I hissed my displeasure and felt a strong hand guide me out of the net. He was a few years older than me. His eyes were dark blue and deep set. And full of a familiar pain. My suspicions were confirmed when his eyes ran over my arms and a small flash of rage settled in his face.

"What's your name initiate?" his voice rumbled. Low, deep and grainy.

'Kira," I said, and more quietly, "and I think I know who you are?" More a question than a statement my eyes searched his for confirmation but his face turned to stone and he stalked off to the head of the group. I found Beatrice and stood by her as we waited for the rest of the initiates.

Tobias Eaton was the abnegation transfer to Dauntless a few years ago. There had been rumors that his father Marcus had been abusing him. Rumors I had paid close attention to. At the time I thought that maybe those rumors would be my salvation. That maybe the leaders would start investigating those who came to school with a limp, or were excused from classes a few too many times to be normal. But nothing had come of it. Marcus was one of the Abnegation leaders and the scrutiny didn't last long enough to gain traction. Jeanine also seemed more concerned with proving that we were nothing like Abnegation than fixing any problems our faction may have.

Christina was one of the last ones down, her delighted screams filling the room we were in. Once we had all gathered the four Dauntless members got our attention. There was Four and Max, a pretty woman about Four's age with silver rings in her ears, and another man. He looked to be the same age as Four, powerfully built with his hair shaved close to his head. He had facial piercings and the tendrils of tattoos on his neck that pegged him as a true Dauntless, but light blue eyes were cold, and he looked around us with steely intensity that made me shiver.

We are led down a narrow tunnel until the Dauntless born are separated from the transfers and we were given a tour. Four was leading us now the girl, Lauren, and Max had taken off with the Dauntless born. Eric, the other man, and Four detailing the initiation process and what we have to expect. They lead us to the Pit, a name Christina had just been harshly chastised by Four for making fun of. The Pit is a cavern of stone with stores and paths carved into the rock. It was like Dauntless itself, making the harshest of environments bend to your will. Forcing it to submit to you, I loved it.

They took us to the bunks, a long dormitory of beds along the walls with a large communal bathroom at the end. Beatrice, now just Tris, was clearly uncomfortable, probably feeling now in her tight shirt the way I had earlier in just my camisole. Exposed. I squeezed her arm softly as I walked past her to the bed next to hers, Christina settling on her other side after a quick movement of my head. Tris looked up at the contact but nodded gratefully. I knew a straight up hug would be too much, but the small gesture had soothed me on the train, and by the way her face relaxed a small fraction, I could tell it had done the same to her now.

"Well!" Christina breathed out loudly, jumping up and breaking the tension we were all feeling, "Let's go explore!" I laughed and pushed myself off of the bed I had flopped onto.

"Good idea, I'm starving!" I was. I had barely eaten this morning, and as soon as the words left my mouth I felt the churning of hunger in my belly. "Coming Tris?" I said more softly. She nodded, still looking slightly dazed and joined us.

"We have to look at clothes after supper. I want to see what they have hidden in here." Said Christina, leaving little room for argument. Tris looked uncomfortable at the prospect of clothes shopping and I decided maybe that could wait till another day.

"Are you always this bossy Christina?" I asked playfully, nudging her as we walked down the hallway to The Pit. She laughed and ignored my question, just nudging me back in response, sticking her tongue out. A few others had joined us, two boys, Will and Al, and when we sat down with our trays of food they sat with us. Mine was piled high, much higher than I had intended. Four came and sat with us and raised an eyebrow at my plate.

"Hungry initiate?" I looked back up at him with my mouth half full of burger. I swallowed with difficulty and looked him in the eye.

"It's been a stressful day." a small smile played by his lips and he nodded, "Fair enough." He gave me a soft look that I knew meant he understood what I meant by stressful. His eyes flicked unwillingly to my bruised wrist again and I was sure that he was Tobias Eaton. I figured though that he must have a reason to want to keep that to himself, and resolved not to tell anyone of my suspicions. I smiled at Tris and we all settled into light conversation, talking about the Abnegation food and bringing her over to the dark side with burgers. I noticed Eric walk in to the room, his cold eyes scanning the crowd before they settle on Four. Tris sees him too and I see her shift uncomfortably in her seat as he walks up behind Four and lays a large hand on his shoulder.

"Aren't you going to introduce me Four? His eyes rake over us and I see him looking at my bruises. The way people have looked at me today has been with varying degrees of pity and disgust. Eric looks at them with a critical eye, as if figuring out what exactly happened and exactly how much force was used to make those marks. His scrutiny makes me bristle and I get snappy when I'm backed into a corner. Or a bench as the case may be.

"I have more on my back if you'd like a closer look," I say with more venom than I intended. I wanted to make a sarcastic remark, be pithy and make light, not start a fight with someone who looked like they could crush me with his bare hands. He looked back up at my eyes, unembarrassed. He almost smiled.

"I'm sure I'll see enough of them in training initiate, you're in my class. But word to the wise, maybe you should be a little nicer to the person that determines your rankings." I balked as he stood. They had explained to us that not everyone would make it through the training, and that our rankings were the difference between Dauntless and Factionless. Maybe I should have just kept my big mouth shut; God knows it's gotten me into enough trouble with my father. Now I'm making trouble here on my first day. He walked past Four to leave The Pit and I felt his eyes on me as he went.

"Girl, do you have a death wish or something?" laughed Christina, her mirth pushing away my feelings of dread and by the time we finished our meal I barely even felt nervous about the next day of training.

Trying to sleep that night however was another matter. Al was crying, his small sobs keeping me awake. I had always been a light sleeper, a survival tactic from my turbulent home life. I felt hot and nervous, and too wound up to sleep. The next day was the beginning of the rest of our lives. So much depended on how we ranked and how we did in these next few months. Finally I swung my legs out of the bed. If I could go for a walk in the cool hallway maybe it would clear my head enough to get a good night's sleep. We had been given basic sleep clothing. Mine were black sweats and a loose black tank top in a soft silky material, the effect of which against my pale skin was startling in the half light of the hallway. My bare feet padded softly against the stone, cool but not cold. I got to the edge of the chasm, and sat with my feet dangled over the edge. The sound of the water rushing past was soothing and I felt like it was taking all my fears with it. I was so relaxed and wrapped up in my own head I didn't hear the footsteps approach.

"What are you doing out here?" a gruff voice startled me, causing me to jump visibly. I whipped around, still sitting on the cool ground. It was Eric.

"I couldn't sleep, I just needed to clear my head. It's been a long day." i looked up at him and saw he was looking at my back. He looked back at me,

"That was quite a show you put on at the choosing ceremony. How long have you been waiting to do that to your old man I wonder." It was a rhetorical question, and I matched his stare with my own.

"Where was your mom when this was happening?" the answer must have been plain on my face because he looked down, "Sorry. It's not nothing to lose a parent."

"You say that like you know." It was a question phrased as a statement, one I wasn't sure I should have even asked. Eric was my leader, my trainer, not the boy of my dreams looking for a heart to heart.

"My mom passed when I was 10. And my dad was never the same. Not like this," he gestured to me, "just distant." He looked back to my face, his cold light blue eyes piercing mine. I looked down, the intimacy and unexpectedness of it too much in the cool hallway.

He crouched down just behind me, and his face was unreadable when I looked back up at him. He was looking at my back, not meeting my eye. I knew the small light of the chasm was enough to illuminate the scars on my skin. My English Rose complexion was both a blessing and a curse in my situation. I knew which ones he could see, the lighter one on my right shoulder, long since healed, and the darker, deeper one peeking out of my shirt on my left. There were more he couldn't see, but it was enough of a taste that he could guess what else lay underneath. He looked into my eyes and raised his hand towards my back slowly as though asking for permission, never looking away.

I nodded my consent, not sure in that moment exactly why I did. Why I was letting this stranger who I was sure was dangerous to me lift my shirt. He pushed the fabric up softly, and I heard him breathe hard through his nose as I looked away. I held the front of my shirt, making sure it didn't go past my breasts, and he shifted behind me, pushing the loose material as far as it would go. His fingers touched the soft skin of my back and the sensation made me shiver. His hands were warm and calloused from hard work, but they moved across my back with a gentleness I had never felt before. I felt his fingers trace one of the larger deeper scars in the middle of my back, butterflies bursting in my stomach.

"What did this?" he asked "A belt?" His voice was hollow and deeper than it had been before. I turned my head towards him slightly but still couldn't quite meet his eyes.

"Probably, it usually was. I was young when that happened though, I don't really remember. Maybe eight? I spilled some milk in the kitchen, and I needed to be taught not to be wasteful." I shivered at the recall, one of my first memories of a real beating. The hissing of him sucking in air through his teeth made me flinch slightly, and let my shirt fall, his hand resting on the small of my back.

"If you can survive that, you can survive Dauntless training." I heard him stand and looked around to his extended hand. He helped me up and stood back, the cold look back in his eyes, but I thought with maybe a little more softness. "Get back to bed initiate," he said, his voice softer than the steel in his eyes, "Trust me, you'll need the rest."

He walked me back to the dorm, and nodded at me before leaving silently, our moment over. As I collapsed into bed a few minutes later, suddenly exhausted, I thought maybe Eric wasn't as bad as I had thought.

Little did I know, he was so much worse.


	3. Chapter 3

The first few weeks of initiation had been grueling. I stood under the hot shower on the third week letting the hot water soothe my aching limbs. Our fight training was more brutal than I ever would have thought it would be. I was no stranger to taking a hit, but fighting back was a different story. Muscles that had never been used were being mercilessly toned and stretched, my shoulders and arms ached from the hours on the punching bag and sparring. And when I stood to leave that afternoon I thought my legs were going to collapse beneath me. In spite of that, I could feel myself becoming stronger. Even though I was never big before, where I had once been soft around my waist was now trim and I could see where my abs were forming. My legs were gaining shape from our morning runs and endless sparring, and the weight training had given me muscle tone and strength in my arms I'd never had before. I soaped off the crusted blood from our messy sparring rounds earlier that day, I had been paired with Peter and he had pulled no punches. I was grateful however when I had been knocked unconscious by a lucky elbow to the temple. The fight had been fairly evenly matched and I wasn't sure I had it in me to beat him till he stopped moving, as the new rules called for. We had been fighting each other since the first week, and it was taking me longer than I had thought to get used to the feeling of hitting another person, to causing them pain. Even someone like Peter. Brutal upbringing or not, I wasn't a monster. Not yet anyway.

Finally when the water was no longer tinged with red, I stepped out of the shower.

"Are you guys ready?" I called to Tris and Christina, who were still in their stalls.

"I'll be a while longer, I just need to soak." Tris called, sounding blissful under the hot water, and Christina was singing, not sounding like she had any intention of getting out anytime soon. I resolved to meet them in The Pit, too hungry to wait. Al and Will were sitting on Will's bed when I got into the dorm, talking about the fighting, silencing when I got close enough to hear. Al looked up and whistled through his teeth at my face. The side that Peter had hit felt swollen, and I imagined it looked worse that it felt, which was pretty bad.

"That's gonna bruise up pretty bad tomorrow. I'm amazed your eye isn't swollen shut" Will said, raising himself to closer inspect the eye.

"It'll be fine," I said, trying to shrug off his concern with my tone, "I'm a pretty quick healer." I smiled, but his eyes creased a little at the sides and I knew he was thinking about my previous bruises I had had to heal quickly from.

"Don't worry about it Will, I'm a big girl. I can handle it. Besides, you're not looking too hot yourself." He smiled sheepishly, unconsciously touching his face where Al had knocked him out the week before. All of us agreeing that food was more important than waiting for Tris and Christina, we headed down to The Pit. The food at dauntless was so much better than what I had had in Erudite. Erudite had always placed more concern on health than appeal, though never coming close to the sparse diet of the Abnegation. Dauntless however, threw health to the wind and went for full on flavor. Curries and burgers, racks of ribs, slow cooked stews and thick gumbo style soups were just some of the things I relished since coming here. Then there was the cake. When Tris and Christina finally joined us we had finished and were talking lazily about nothing.

"Thanks for waiting…not!" Christina said loudly as she plopped herself between Will and I. Tris sat next to Al across from us and picked at her food.  
"I know it's hard to get used to, coming from Stiff food, but you will." Said Four, who was sitting a few spaces down from our group. He gave her a small smile which she returned, looking away shyly.

"Hey, Four?" I asked, gaining a small appreciative nod from Tris, "Is the training room open after hours? I could use the extra time to not get knocked on my ass during the day." he smiled more openly now.

"That fight could have gone either way today Kira, Peter got lucky with that last hit. There's a reason you're ranked 3rd." The only people ahead of me at the moment were Edward and Peter, my high tolerance for pain proving to be a big advantage. Where other people got tired or unfocused or simply couldn't take the pain anymore, I had years of practice of pushing through.

"Well what if I don't want anyone else's lucky hits affecting my ranking." Tris looked up at this, and I knew she had been thinking about the extra training too, since she was dangerously close to not making it through initiation. Four looked at me hard, the deep pools of his eyes were intense. I could see why Tris was so nervous around him, since those eyes were usually pointed her way, and I could tell his next statement wasn't just meant for me.

"If you want to train after hours then you can. Just remember that your body needs rest too. Running yourselves into the ground won't help your rankings any more than losing fights will. You've been doing well in the knife and gun training, don't wear yourself out."

"I won't." I promised, and tried to mean it. When Christina and Tris had finished their food we made our way to Christina's new favourite place. The clothing stores. Next week Dauntless would be having a party for the initiates, to celebrate the first month of our initiation. According to Christina, this meant we needed new clothes. Tris and I had so far only bought what we needed, but Christina was not to be deterred.

"You guys need to branch out," she whined, "Pleeeease just try this stuff on?" We relented, and after some major debate about what the correct length of a skirt should be, we came away with some Christina approved party wear. I ended up with a few flowy black and dark red shirts, one burgundy pair of jeans and one black pair with a rip in the knee, and a pair of black shorts in a dressy, almost silky, material. We also managed to find some plain black flats which suited mine and Tris' taste, along with a pair of heels each, to appease our stylist. I had settled for a pair of black leather booties with some plain buckles on the side. They were higher than I wanted them to be, but the support of the boot made me confident I wouldn't make a fool of myself in them.

We met up with Al and Will walking to the tattoo parlour, and I hung back with Tris while Christina skipped ahead to talk to Will. She jumped on his back, making him carry her for the rest of the way, and from the look on Tris' face I could tell she was still uncomfortable with the display.

"Your abnegation is showing." I nudged her and grinned, "They're just friends Tris, it's ok to relax with your friends." She looked up at me and sighed,

"I know. I can't help it. It's so different here. Abnegation is so restrained. And Dauntless is so…"

"Free?" I suggested. But she made a face and kept walking,

"Is it freedom? We're being forced to beat our fellow initiates. It's do or die here. Sure it seems like there are no rules, but in some ways it's even worse than Abnegation. At least with them you know what you're getting into. And you don't have to hurt your friends while you're at it." She spoke with more passion as she went on, and I could see the real Tris burning inside of her, the one that would have never been happy in Abnegation. But that part of her was at war with a part of her that wanted to keep other people from getting hurt. And she was smart enough to see that Dauntless freedom was a front, smoke and mirrors to keep us all from seeing we could do whatever we wanted…as long as we did it the way we were told. She fell silent and thoughtful, and I took a long look at her sideways.

When the administrator of my test had told me I was Divergent, I was too wrapped up in getting away from the immediate danger of my father to really be scared of some abstract idea of what I was. So I fit in more than one faction, big whoop. But since being in Dauntless, and hearing the subtle whispers of the dangers of the Divergent, I had started to worry. But looking at Tris in that moment, and watching her struggle, I started to think maybe I wasn't the only one with a secret to hide.

We got to the tattoo parlour where Tris had gotten her birds the first week, and I went once again to the display wall. Christina was already in a chair, merrily getting something else inked onto her small frame. Tori, the woman who ran the shop, came over to where I stood in front of the samples.

"Still just looking? Most initiates get the first thing they see by their third day." she smiled. She was pretty, and much less severe when she had a smile on her face. Sometimes though, Kira had caught her lost in her own thoughts, and she looked heartbreakingly sad.

"I'm pretty careful about when I stick on my body. I understand permanence." Tori managed only the barest glance to my back and nodded,

"I respect that. When you have something in mind, let me know." She squeezed my arm and left, pulled aside by Tris who had found something else she wanted done. I laughed a little to myself. As much as she was trying to hold on to her Abnegation roots, Tris was becoming more and more Dauntless every day. She flashed me a rare mischievous grin as she rounded the corner to one of the other stations. I tapped Al on the shoulder, and let him know where I was going before taking off towards the dorm rooms to drop off my bags of new clothes before going to train. When I got to the dorm Peter was the only one there. Resting on his bed, nursing wounds of his own.

"Hey." He said, I jumped slightly, having thought he was asleep.

"Uhm…hi? Since when do we talk?" Peter had a way of always putting me on the defensive, and since we had spent a chunk of time earlier that day beating the crap out of each other, I wasn't feeling any different just then.

"Your face is all fucked up." He smiled, his angel face concealing only God knew what. I laughed in spite of myself,

"And yet I still look better than you." He rolled his eyes and swung his legs off the side of his bed. The action was harmless, but it put me on edge none the less.

"I just wanted to say…good fight. You're not what I thought you'd be." I was surprised, and I'm sure the shock at the lack of an insult showed on my face because he laughed, properly this time.

"I'm not always an asshole Kira. Just mostly." He got up fully and made his way to The Pit, citing hunger as his main source of pain, not the wounds I had inflicted.

After he left I still wasn't fully convinced of the display, knowing Peter to be manipulative and cruel, as he had been to Tris. But the thought that maybe he wasn't all bad was comforting as I walked to the training room, especially as we shared a dorm with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. The next one will have more Eric/Kira goodness.


	4. Chapter 4

The training room was empty when I got there, and I found I could focus on my technique much easier the without the pressure of the other initiates and the trainers watching my every move. The punching bag was heavy, and the covering had broken the skin on my knuckles on the first day. They had started to heal, but the fight earlier that day, and the extra stress now was making them ache and split again. I shook them out, trying to get the blood flowing in my stiff overworked digits. This will make weapons training tomorrow fun I thought.

"You should tape your hands." A gravelly voice made me jump half out of my skin, and grip the sides of the punching bag, small pangs of protest flying through my fingers as I did.

"Did I scare you?" Eric walked out from the shadow of the doorway. I hadn't even noticed him standing there, or heard the door open. It closed with a soft click behind him as he moved into the middle of the room where I was training. He held out his hands to inspect mine but I hesitated. An ugly incident with Christina the week before had made me distrust him more than I already did. And when I thought about how close I had been on that ledge with him that first night it made me feel sick.

"I'm not going to hurt you initiate. I'm your trainer." I looked up at him, his head a good foot above mine. Not for the first time I noticed how good looking he was, his face was cold but handsome, and his body was muscled and well-built from the years of Dauntless combat training. Not that it mattered, he was two years older than me and my trainer. And from what I had seen, an asshole to boot.

"Oh is that what that was on the ledge? Training?" I spat, the humiliating feelings of that night before coming back to me. It wasn't like we had done anything inappropriate. But when he had looked at my scars, it had felt…intimate. And then he had to go and dangle my friend off a ledge because she didn't want to let herself get the crap kicked out of her. My words did not have the desired effect however. Instead of chiding him, he only looked amused.

"With Christina? Is that what you're talking about? Christina needed to be taught that she could handle what Dauntless throws at her. If she hadn't been able to hold on, she would have never made it through the training anyway, and she would have ended up factionless."

"She could have died! How can you think that those are the same thing?!" I cut him off but he ignored me, giving me only a slight raise of his eyebrow to indicate he had heard anything and kept talking

"Dauntless need to have more drive than any other faction. We need to be able to push past the tired muscles and the fear to be able to do what needs to be done. Can you tell me that she now doesn't know that she can do that? That she'll concede again without pushing through the pain and giving it everything she has?" I couldn't and I knew it showed on my face. His methods had been cruel and harsh, but even I had to admit that Christina was more determined now than she had been. I looked down, unable to meet his eyes when I know he could see the defeat in them.

"That's what I thought. Now let me bind your hands." Begrudgingly I let him clean and tape my fingers so that they didn't hurt when I used them. Just as I had thought on the chasm ledge, when he was handling my bruised hands he was surprisingly gentle. I hissed when he used the antiseptic to clean the cuts but he didn't ease up on the pressure. He was firm, but not rough. He looked at the bruise on the side of my face, his expression unreadable.

"You should have iced this. It would have stopped the swelling tomorrow." His fingers gently touched the slightly swollen skin under my eye, "How does it feel?"

"OK. It's not as bad as it could be. It shouldn't bruise too much." He nodded. Pulling his hand away and sitting back. All business now.

"He should never have gotten close enough for this," he gestured to my cheek, "Your technique needs work."

"Teach me then." I had meant it as a challenge, but it came out as a tease. An accidental flirtation. I flushed at the implication and looked away. I could feel his eyes on me still and saw him stand.

"Alright. I will." My hands now covered in black tape he walked me back over to the punching bag.

"Show me your stance." I did, holding my one hand in front of my face the other slightly lower, a position that was excellent for both defence and offence. He circled me, using that same critical eye I had seen so many times this week.

"Widen your feet. You need to plant yourself so you can't be knocked over by a stiff wind." He kicked softly at my back foot as he passed behind me, moving me into position, "Okay, now move forward and strike."

I did, and the hit was definitely more solid, I felt more secure with my footing adjusted.

"Better. But you need to relax. You're too tense, like you're waiting to be hit. You need to be ready to move away from the beating, not just steel yourself to it. Take your stance." I formed back up and felt him move behind me. Suddenly his hands were on my waist and my breath hitched unexpectedly. I jumped away and he raised his hands defensively, never taking his eyes off mine.

"Don't worry Kira, I don't bite." he looked amused, and only slightly apologetic, his tone teasing and more light than I had ever heard it. I flushed, realizing that that was the first time he had used my name, and moved back to my stance in front of him, "I'm going to guide you in," he said, warning me this time, "For at least tonight, I can promise you I'm not going to hurt you." He murmured behind me, almost too quietly for me to hear, though I knew I was meant to. I nodded my consent and felt his hands barely touch my waist, when I didn't jump away he placed them more firmly, and used them to move my hips in line and into a crouch. Almost so softly that I thought it might be my imagination; I felt his thumb slowly rub my lower back before his hands left my waist. The lack of sensation left me with more longing than I expected to have that touch back.

"Strike." He ordered, the bark back in his voice, though I thought with less bite than usual. When my fist hit the bag this time, I felt it connect with much more force.

"Wow!" I jumped back, excited, and turned to Eric, who was standing behind me with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Again." Was all he said, his face slightly warmer than in our regular training. After what I thought must have been two hours of working on my punches and kicks, I decided to call it a night. My muscles ached and I needed the rest for the next day of training. I bent over, steadying myself on my knees.

"You should ice your hands before you go to bed. You'll be useless tomorrow if you don't" I laughed, exhaustion and the time we had just spent together making me bold, even though he had been going from cold to warm at the drop of a hat all night,

"Such a charming man you are." He looked at me with that half amused expression,

"Well maybe you just bring out the nice guy in me." He smiled slightly, and I realized I had never seen him without a scowl. He took me over to the ring, and had me sit down while he got ice bags from the freezer in the corner.

"Put these on for a bit. It'll help for tomorrow." I nodded and tried to position them on both my hands without much success. He sighed and sat down in front of me, placing them on top of my knuckles where the worst of the bruising was.

"Thanks." I mumbled. Looking studiously at the blue bags of gel. I could feel him still looking at me, and i leaned back on the support of the ring and we sat in comfortable silence, me watching the ice bags, and him watching me.

"I never knew." He said after a few minutes. I looked up at him, not sure what had prompted him to talk, but he hadn't looked away, and his grey eyes were thoughtful as he matched my gaze.

"Never knew what?"

"I was in Erudite, before I transferred. I must have gone to school with you. I knew who your father was. I never even suspected something might have been wrong. I guess I'm not as observant as I thought." He said it callously, like it was just a stray thought, but I could tell that this wasn't the first time it had crossed his mind.

"No-one knew," I said quietly. "You were two years above me I wouldn't have even been on your radar. And we hid it well. Dear old dad and me. Long shirts, practiced answers, people just thought I was clumsy…"

"Still," he said, readjusting the bags where they had slipped slightly, "I find it hard to believe no one noticed anything. Other kids in your class, teachers, neighbors. A lot of people fucked up by not catching what was happening to you." I laughed humorlessly. I was much more bitter about my childhood than I had wanted to admit to my friends. To them I was almost over it. No one but Four suspected otherwise. In 18 years no one had ever thought to ask where all those stray bruises came from. And the more I was away from my old home, the more I thought that people must have known. Known, and did nothing.

"Maybe they did know though," Eric looked up, "maybe they knew and they did nothing because they didn't want Erudite to seem weak." I felt a cold clammy sensation as I said the words out loud. Thoughts that were almost treasonous. Eric said nothing, just looked at me with a strange intensity that wasn't quite anger. So I carried on,

"I think they needed him for the serums. They needed him, and he was a brilliant scientist. So they just let him do whatever he wanted to me as long as the work never suffered. I was just collateral damage." I spat.

I was angry now. Saying the words out loud somehow made my feelings more real. More plausible. To my horror I could feel my eyes prickling with tears but I couldn't stop talking,

"How could they not know? They knew he took medical supplies home, all that stuff is regulated. They must have known." I said it almost as a question, a plea that maybe I was wrong and I hadn't been abandoned that had supposedly been designed to keep me safe. But Eric said nothing but shifted slightly closer to me.

"They just let him hurt me. Over and over for years. Jeanine and all those people…" I was choking out the words and I could feel the tears coming,

"They're supposed to protect us! But they did nothing at all for me! They just left me with that psychopath!" I was shouting and crying and I felt Eric's hand on my arm. I let him pull me gently towards him, sobbing uncontrollably now, not even able to form words. He didn't say anything, so his opinion on my outburst wasn't clear, but he didn't punish me for talking that way about Jeanine, even though he was a Dauntless leader. He just held me to his chest and let me cry. And made sure my hands stayed covered by the ice bags.

I woke up the next morning in my own bed in the dorm room. My head was splitting from the crying and when I rolled over there were two white aspirin pills on the table next to me. I couldn't remember falling asleep, but I must have and Eric must have brought me back here. The thought made my stomach flip a little. Before I remembered all the things I had said to him. Oh god. He's a dauntless leader! What the hell did I do? Don't panic. Not until training today. Then we'll see if he's pissed. Though he can't have been that pissed if he carried you back to bed…

I tossed and turned waiting for the morning bell. Worrying about having said too much the night before, and how humiliatingly inappropriate I had been. He's my trainer for crying out loud. And I had been crying all over him like a fourteen year old. I sighed loudly and resigned myself to facing the music, whatever that might be.

The bell rang, and I could feel the effects of the extra training in my stiff muscles as I forced myself out of bed. Eric had been right though, my hands were barely swollen. Tris helped pull me up with a laugh and a joke about my old lady walk. She had been coming out of her shell, slowly but surely.

"Were you in the training room all night?" Christina asked curiously, "I don't even remember you coming back."

"Yeah. I need the extra time so I can kick your butt." I teased, trying to get back to my normal attitude and not arouse suspicion, nudging her with my hip as we laughed and made our way to The Pit. Trying to shake the feeling that I had done something very very wrong.

When we sat down for breakfast I scanned the crowd for Eric, and found him over by a crowd of Dauntless his own age. He caught my eye, nodded slightly, and went back to his conversation. The knot in my stomach loosened. If he was going to pretend last night didn't happen, that was perfectly fine by me. With much more ease I attacked my breakfast, and laughed with my friends before we made our way to the roof top for the days training.


	5. Chapter 5

Eric

I had carried Kira to bed, quietly and with all the stealth I could muster. It would undermine my authority as their trainer and leader for the other initiates to see me giving her special treatment. The thing was though, she was different than the others. She wasn't the best fighter in the class, but she had potential, and tonight had made me see her dedication.

Back in my apartment I boiled water to make himself a tea to help me sleep. I had always had problems sleeping, ever since I was a child. My mother had always made me a milky chamomile mixture to help me sleep, and it worked to this day. Especially now with all that was going on. The Divergent problem was getting worse. Jeanine was now showing them how they had infested all of the factions, Abnegation worst of all. Even when I was young in Erudite, Jeanine had been a hero to me, the epitome of cold logic. I envied the way she could look at a situation and asses it without emotion getting in the way. She would have made an excellent soldier, I thought. I had always been too emotional, had always run too hot. I was too aggressive to have ever made it in Erudite. Dauntless had always been the place for me. Their rules were firm, and I reveled in the black and white nature of it. You fight or you die. But here I had always felt free. I was strong, and I was powerful, and that gave me the freedom to do as I pleased, for the most part.

I had always taken Jeanine's word as law. Even when I had moved to Dauntless, and Max became my leader. But now…the things Kira had said that night. How they had sacrificed her for the sake of their image. On the one hand I understood. The factions had to be preserved at any cost. But on the other hand…

The pain in her eyes when she talked about her father made me feel ill. And those scars. What he must have done to make scars like that…and she was right. They had just left her there.

Jesus. The first time I saw them, I couldn't really believe it. They had all taken beatings as Dauntless, and no one I knew had scars like that. Her father wasn't just abusive. He was evil. And the thought that Jeanine, our leader, knew what was happening and did nothing? That was fucking with my head. With everything he had ever believed.

I had tried to stay away from her since that first night on the ledge. Her presence was magnetic . There was something about her I just couldn't shake. Her strength was so pure and raw, and I found myself inexplicably drawn to it. When I had gone to close up the training room and found her there I couldn't look away. She was throwing everything she had into the training, and that was worth more to me than anything else.

People like Peter, who were naturally good, became lazy and arrogant. People like her who had to fight and scrape and bleed for what they got, they were the true Dauntless. And I couldn't resist. Her stance was all wrong, and her form needed work. But she was doing better than some of her initiate class. Better than the Stiff by far. I groaned thinking about Tris, the Stiff Four had clearly taken a shine to. She was on my watch list, but I still couldn't see how she could be one of the dangerous Divergent Jeanine had warned me about. Sure she was good with the throwing knives, but she was sorely lacking in other areas. She was weak and meek and I hadn't yet seen something in her that pointed to Divergence.

Though there was that incident a few days ago with the knives. I had been impressed by her bravery, though I'd put it down to just Dauntless finally showing in her. Maybe I should have given her more credit.

I sat on the edge of my bed and drank the soothing hot tea. The taste reminding me of my mother before she died. Cancer was a horrible beast. Taking pieces of her, little by little till there was nothing left of the loving mother I had known. Kira had gotten a small piece of mercy there. Thinking of her I drained the tea and lay down. She was an excellent shot, for someone who had never held a gun before. And she was making great strides in her hand to hand combat, especially if she kept up the extra training. She was dismal with the throwing knives, but he was sure in time that she would improve. It was the next stage of testing that worried him. The mental training. Where you faced your worst fears come to life. Not many people had the skeletons in their closet that she had. Only one that I knew of, and Four held no love for me. I could order Four to help her…Fuck! She's not my problem! I thought angrily, before turning over onto my back, frustrated. I should just forget about it and focus on doing my job. God damn it Kira, what are you doing to me?

Irritated and uncomfortable, I tossed and turned until finally the chamomile kicked in and I drifted off into an uneasy slumber.

Kira

It was cooler on the rooftop than I had thought. I was wearing a long sleeved shirt and at the last minute had thrown on my jacket over top before running upstairs. Even though I was glad of the extra layer to protect me against the cold, I wished I had brought gloves. The sharp wind nipped at my bare fingers, making them sting and go numb. The wounds from the night before not helping the stiffness in them.

"Fucking dammit." I swore under her breath as I missed the bulls eye for the third time. It wasn't a bad shot, the bullet hit just outside of the red line, but it was a bad shot for me. Setting the rifle on the stand I put my hands under my butt to warm them for a few minutes before starting up again. I was starting to feel the stiffness leave when I felt someone approaching,

"Interesting technique Kira." An amused deep voice behind me said. I looked up to see Four standing over me. I smiled,

"I was getting nowhere with my hands like this. I'm shooting like a person with stumps for hands."

Four actually laughed at that. The noise making some of the other initiates, and Eric, turn to look at me.

"Your worst shot is still better than some of their best," he said quietly, leaning on the wall beside me. "Whatever you have to do to keep it up, I'm not going to stop you." I pulled her hands from under me laughing, and stood to shake the cold from my legs as Eric made his way over to them. He eyed Four carefully as he moved closer to me. Four tensed unconsciously, his body ready to spring. Four and I had grown close, our shared pasts binding us in a way no one else could understand. But I knew he only had eyes for Tris, and I felt nothing towards him other than sisterly affection. Eric reached us and looked Four up and down.

"You should go help the Stiff Four, God knows she needs it." Four nodded and moved away from them towards where Tris was on the ground shooting. I could tell she had been listening to the conversation. A quick glance between them soothed Tris's nerves and she focused back on her training. I knew Tris didn't trust Eric, and I couldn't say I blamed her.

"Your hands look better. Sorry I can't say the same about your face." I blushed despite myself. I knew my face looked bad, and the eye was swollen which was not helping my aim. He tilted my chin to get a better look, and the gentleness in his touch from last night was gone, but not from his eyes.

"I'll take you to the nurse; see if she can do anything with that eye. I don't want it affecting your training tomorrow. You don't need the practice with the guns today anyway." I felt the barest caress of his thumb on my jaw before he pulled his hand away, so light I might have imagined it. But something in his eyes made me sure I hadn't.

We made our way down from the rooftop, through the dimly lit tunnels that made up Dauntless. He said nothing as they walked, and his face gave away even less. Eventually the silence was too much and I stopped.

"Eric," he stopped and turned to look at her, expressionless, "About last night…"

"What about it?"

"What I said about…about everything. I was upset. I didn't mean it." I knew even as I said it that my lies weren't convincing. He cocked his head and waited. "Well, I meant it. But I meant it in the way you mean things when you're angry." This was closer to the truth. And sounded like I believed what I was saying.

"I know you meant it. And I know you didn't just mean it because you were angry. If you think I'm going to report you because you believe Jeanine let you have a shitty life, I'm not. I agree with you. But she sacrificed you for the greater good because that's her job Kira. She was doing what she had to to protect all of us." I looked at him know, properly. And I saw his eyes flicker to the camera above them. They were being watched. They were being watched and he told me that? Why? Wasn't he the one doing the watching? A million thoughts flowed through my head as I nodded slowly.

"The greater good huh? I guess I'll just have to learn to live with that then." He nodded carefully and turned, and they walked the rest of the way to the nurse's office in silence.

Later that night at dinner, while she was joking with Tris and Christina about Tris finally getting a tattoo, I saw Eric talking to Max in the corner. He caught my eye for half an instant and looked away, turning his body to block me from Max. The small eye contact gave me butterflies. I wasn't sure if it was because of his small rebellion earlier, telling me about the cameras. Or if it was something else entirely.


	6. Chapter 6

Training had gotten intense. Tris and I had been helping each other, in the evenings we sparred, and during the day I helped her with shooting and she helped me with the throwing knives. One night after a particularly good sparring match, we fell into bed.

"God I hope I don't have to fight tomorrow." She breathed.

"Sore?" Christina asked innocently, poking Tris in the thigh. At first I had been scared Christina would be jealous at the extra time Tris and I were putting in together. But she was too busy with Will right now to care. And she was advancing evenly in all our areas. Lucky bitch, I thought. Not only did she have a boyfriend who couldn't keep his hands off her, but she was breezing through Dauntless initiation. Not at the top of the list, but nowhere near the bottom.

"Owwww!" Tris pretended to be hurt and smacked Christina's hand away. I smiled from my bed. We were almost through our second month of dauntless training. The weeks had passed in a blur of fights and guns and knives. After the incident in the training room with Eric I hadn't seen him there again. I wanted to talk to him more, but he was just as cool and aloof as ever.

We had planned for the night to be boring and to just rest our tired muscles, but Christina had other ideas.

"The Dauntless are having a party tonight, and we're all going. You two need to let loose. All you ever do is train and sleep, it's time to have some fun!" Tris and I looked warily at each other, but dragged our butts to the showers anyway.

An hour later we were leaving for The Pit. Dressed in a Christina approved fashion. I had on a flowy burgundy shirt with tight black jeans and the boots I had bought during our first week. Tris was wearing a tight long sleeved black sweater, slashed along the arms, and Christina was the only one of us wearing a dress. It was dark red, short and skin tight. She looked amazing.

"Do you think Will's going to like it?" she asked as we left. I laughed,

"I don't think there's a guy alive who won't like it Christina." This was apparently the right answer as she moved forwards with a giant smile on her face. Tris however kept looking at the dress with apprehension. When we got to The Pit, the music was already loud and the party in full swing. An unusually dapper Will came up to Christina and pulled her on to the dance floor. Al made his way through the throng to ask Tris for a dance, but she only had eyes for Four, who was nowhere to be found. A girl from Dauntless grabbed Al's hand, erasing his disappointment as she took him to dance. Grinding and bobbing through the crowd I doubted he even remembered Tris existed.

"I don't see him Tris. Do you want to get a drink?" She nodded and followed me to the bar. We nursed our drinks and sat on a jutting piece of rock on the wall.

"I feel dumb when I'm around him. Like I'm some idiot teen girl with a crush." She said quietly to her drink.

"You are a teen girl with a crush" I pointed out. She laughed softly and nudged me with her shoulder.

"You know what I mean Kira. He's out of my league, I know that. But the way he looks at me you know? I almost think maybe it's not just me with the crush."

"Oh it's definitely not just you Tris. He can't take his eyes off you." I pointed across the room to where Four was standing, laughing with his friends. And sure enough, his eyes were on Tris. She blushed and he started to make his way towards them. She smiled shyly at me and I squeezed her hand as she got up and moved away to meet him. Christina spotted me and beckoned me to the dance floor. I gladly complied. I danced with Christina and Will for what seemed like hours. Drinks were flowing and the room got fuzzier by the minute. I was well and truly happy.

Finally we were stumbling back to the dorm. Tris had disappeared somewhere with Four, and Christina and Will were dancing their way back along the hallway. I had started to sober up, and as an unpleasant result could now feel the pain in my feet from my high boots.

"Go on, I'll catch up. I just have to take off these fucking shoes." They paid little attention to me and kept going. I sat against the wall, fumbling with the buckles.

"You shouldn't be out here alone." I looked up suddenly, smacking the back of my head against the wall in the process. Eric leaned down and pushed my head forward, checking for injury.

"You're drunk." He stated with what I thought might be amusement. I'm not sure. There was a lot of liquor.

"Yup! Whatcha going to do about it boss man?" I giggled, standing in my socks, my fingers hooked into the boots. Now I knew he was amused.

"What do you want me to do about it?" He said lowly. I immediately stopped giggling. It was only then that I realised that he had been drinking too. He moved closer to me and I didn't back away. My body betrayed my thoughts and moved closer. I bit my lip before I realised I was doing it and flushed.

"Uhm…" he laughed a little and put his hand under my chin to tilt my head up slightly. I gulped. His eyes flicked to my lips and I licked them unconsciously, my mouth dry from drinking. His pupils were huge in the dim light, though I knew that the lack of light wasn't the only reason. His body moved closer and I felt his arm moving towards me. Before I knew it he had picked me up and was carrying me through the hall bridal style.

"It's not safe for you out here in the middle of the night." He said quietly. Though he said nothing else until we got back to the dorm he lingered when he put me down.

"I could have walked." I said petulantly, already missing his arms around me and kicking myself for it.

"Sure. Stumbled and fallen down a flight of stairs you mean. Try and get some sleep. You're fighting tomorrow." I balked at the news.

"I thought tomorrow was just sparring?" If I'd know I'd be fighting the next day I never would have gotten so drunk. God damnit.

"Don't worry Kira, you can handle it." He smiled, a wide, cocky smile I hadn't seen before and left. Leaving me to stumble to my bed and collapse in a half drunk stupor.

Eric

As I walked back to my apartment I kicked myself. What am I doing? This little initiate is going to get me in some real shit. I had almost kissed her there in the hallway. When she moved toward me, hips first and brain second I almost lost it. I got back to my apartment and stripped, hot from the drinking and the heat of The Pit. I cracked a cold beer from my fridge and fell into bed, letting the cold bottle rest against my bare torso.

She was intoxicating. I had touched her in sparring class, fixing her posture once again. I felt her slim waist and tight muscles beneath the thin shirt she wore. It was like the more I tried to resist her the more I wanted her. And there in the hallway had just proved what I already knew, that she wanted me as well.

I set the half-finished beer on the floor and rolled over. If I didn't get some sleep I'd be just as useless as those drunk initiates in the morning. Pushing the thoughts of Kira from my brain, I let the alcohol lull me to sleep.

Kira

Oh god. I'll never drink again. I could hear the groans of the other initiates as the alarm bell rang and knew I wouldn't be the only one nursing a hangover today. I remembered Eric's words, and hoped to God that my opponent today would be in as bad of shape as me.

Tris was one of the only people not hungover as we got down to The Pit for breakfast.

"So how you guys feeling? Refreshed?" she joked with pretend pep. Christina shot daggers at her and flicked a pea her way, grunting.

"Where did you disappear off to last night hmm? You must have had what? One drink? Where'd you go Tris?" Her tone was accusing and teasing, Tris blushed but said nothing, and Christina laughed, her anger gone.

"That's what I thought. Now leave me to my misery." She laid her head on her hands and stayed that way until it was time to go.

The training room had the fighters listed, so I knew Eric had been telling the truth. He didn't look like the night's drinking had affected him. I hazily remembered him carrying me to the dorm, and there had been flirting? I wasn't sure how much of the night was real and how much I had conjured up in my head. Eric gave no indication that anything out of the ordinary had happened between us, and merely went over the fighting list. Almost everyone was fighting today. I was paired with Molly, Christina with Al, Will with Edward, and Tris with Peter. Molly and I were an even match, and I wasn't worried about my chances. But despite the extra training, Tris was not a good match for Peter, who was still the best in the class next to Edward, but with none of Edward's compassion.

"Shit, Tris." Her skin had paled and I knew she was freaking out a little. But I hoped that her hatred for Peter would help give her strength. Despite assuring me he wasn't a complete asshole, he had delighted in sharing an article about the Abnegation a few days before. One that implied that Tris and her brother had been abused and that was why they had left, like Marcus Eaton's son. Ironically, but not surprisingly, my father had not been mentioned.

Christina destroyed Al, who was unwilling to hit her hard enough to cause any damage. An impressive roundhouse knocked him out cold and ended the match only a few minutes in. Will held out with Edward, taking a brutal beating in the process, but eventually Edward got an elbow to Wills face, splitting his forehead and making him unable to fight through the blood. Four stopped the fight, citing the loss of sight Will being unable to continue and declared Edward the winner. I beat Molly within minutes, she got a good kick in to my ribs, winding me, but a hit to the throat incapacitated her and I had her on the floor with my foot on her throat seconds later. Tris was the only one of us to be sent to the hospital, Peter had no mercy and she wasn't fast enough to slip around him as she had been in her previous fights.

I waited with Christina and Will for her to wake up, keeping an eye on the clock above her bed. When she finally stirred we told her we were leaving for the train. And that if she wasn't on it she was out. Christina and Will left and I pulled a bag from under the bed. It held her clothes.

"You can do this Tris. Now get ready." She nodded and I ran to catch the train, hoping she would be able to catch up. A few minutes later, Four pulled her onto the train. She nodded at me and smiled, a smile that vanished as soon as Eric saw her.

"Who said you could leave the hospital?" She drew herself up, as best she could with her injuries.

"Me." I swelled with pride at my friend, and Eric looked impressed in spite of himself.

"OK." He turned to the rest of the group and I saw Tris's shoulders sink with relief. She grinned at me and we turned to listen to Four and Eric. We were going to play capture the flag.

"What are these? Toy guns?" Peter said snorting, Four turned to him and shot a round into Peter's leg. Peter screamed and for a second I thought he really had shot him. Then I saw the dart sticking out of his leg.

"Sim darts. They feel like a real gunshot, but the effect only lasts a few minutes." He looked at Peter with an amused expression,

"Any more questions?"

We arrived at the drop site and split into two groups. Four chose Tris as I knew he would. And Eric chose me, citing my being the best shot as his reason. We broke off, and started to set up offence in the area below the clock tower we had hidden the flag in. Opposite the clock tower was another tall building, It was close to our site and there were plenty of windows.

"Eric, up there would be a great sniper point," I pointed to one of the broken windows about 30 feet up. He nodded we made our way over there, after he barked orders to the rest of the group. We climbed the steps, and I held my side as we went, each stair jarring the bruised ribs. When we got to the top I had to bend over, breathing heavily and sweating.

"Let me see." Eric stood above me, holding out his hand for my gun. I stood as straight as I could and lifted my shirt. He moved closer putting his hand on my waist to turn me to the light. I shivered from his touch and I felt goosebumps flush over my skin,

"Cold?"

"No." I said, looking straight at him. His eyes flashed with something as they met mine, and his fingers tightened on my side. I almost thought I saw him lean closer but he turned his attention back to my ribs. He touched them lightly, checking for cracks.

"Just bruised. Get some salve from the nurse when we get back. It'll help it heal faster." He took his hand from my waist and we went to the window. I noticed a table along the back wall,

"Help me move this," I said, walking towards it, "If I can lay on it at the window I can get a better shot. He nodded and helped me.

"Are you good up here by yourself?" he asked, and I could hear the hint of concern.

"Stop worrying and get down there." I turned back to the window, my eye to the scope so he couldn't see the silly grin on my face. I hit every target I saw, my aim impeccable. I knew if I did make it through Dauntless initiation that I wasn't going to be stuck guarding the wall. With the gun in my hand I was deadly, and I was getting better with the throwing knives every day. My fighting skills were second only to Peter and Edward, and I was confident that even them I could outmatch. Our team was brawn and skill, Four's was smarts and strategy.

Four's team won, and Eric was furious.


	7. Chapter 7

Tris had taken off with a bunch of Dauntless born, and Christina was doing something or other with Will. A small part of me was jealous. Christina had found someone she really could care about during initiation…that and she was the only one of us who was getting any.

I was pretty sure that Tris wasn't going to jump into bed with Four any time soon, and Al certainly wasn't fighting off the girls. I had always been careful to keep my shirt on and stay in the dark, but I wasn't a virgin, though the few guys I had hooked up with back in Erudite hadn't exactly been boyfriend material. Anyway, before the choosing, having a boyfriend or girlfriend is just inviting disaster. And although I'd had feelings for girls the way I had for boys since before I could remember, I had never had a chance to act on any of them.

I thought about the night. We had almost won, but my cover was blown at the last minute, and Four's team had broken through. Edward had found me in the room alone, and I had fought with him until we heard the cheers of his team. Edward wasn't Peter, willing to be cruel without reason, but he wasn't at the top of the class by being a pushover either. We had fought brutally even though it had only taken a few minutes. He kicked my gun away from me the first chance he got, using my already wounded side as a focus point to keep me off balance and knowing I would have to protect it. By the time the game was over, I had bruises on my arms, wrists and legs from Edward pinning me down, a split lip and a large bruise blossoming across my jawline. Edward wasn't doing much better, a few cracked ribs, countless bruises and half his face was black from my hitting it against the table under the broken window. We had stopped as soon as the game was over, him running down the stairs in triumph, me limping down sullenly, but something had changed between us. I had thought Peter was dangerous, but at least you knew where you stood with him.

With Edward…I wasn't so sure.

I found myself wandering down to the training room, needing to blow off steam from the loss. I was still in my clothes from the exercise so I was well dressed for an extra work out before I went to bed. I heard him before I saw him, the angry grunts and hard thuds of fists hitting the punching bag. I knew it was Eric, and I knew I should probably turn away and go somewhere else. But I was determined. I had just as much right to that room as he did, and the knowledge that he was in made me want to go in even more. When I rounded the corner I kicked the wooden block holding the door open, letting it fall closed behind me. Trying to avoid his gaze I made straight for one of the far punching bags. I could tell he had seen me, even though the sounds of flesh meeting the bag hadn't stopped.

"Get out of here initiate."

"I'm here to train." I said, trying to sound stronger than I felt,

"I said get the fuck out Kira!" the hitting stopped and I heard him move over to me. He was angry, angrier than I had ever seen him before, charging toward me like a raging bull.

"Hey!" I put my hand out in front of me in time to meet with his chest, "It's not my fault we lost tonight so don't you dare take it out on me." I met his eyes stubbornly, and they didn't soften. Flickering madly between my own. I didn't move my hand keeping him at arm's length, his torso hot beneath my fingers.

"I have just as much right to be here as you do."

"I don't care. Get out, before I make you."

"You're just pissed because Four beat you and that wasn't my fault. Don't take your shitty mood out on me. I'm here to train and that's it." I pushed him slightly with the hand I still had outstreatched. He looked solidly at me and for a moment I was scared he was going to pick me up and throw me out of the room. All of a sudden his expression changed from sheer anger to something I didn't recognise. His eyes were wild and cold and I understood exactly why Tris and Christina were scared of him.

"You want to train?" he said, raising a pierced eyebrow, "Get in the ring." I froze, my hand tightening on his chest.

"What?" I could see the gleam in his eye, the one that usually preceded a particularly ugly training session. The gleam I had seen before he pushed Christina over the ledge. My hand shot back as if I had been burned.

"I said. Get. In. The. Fucking. Ring. You want to show me how tough you are? Show me then." His eyes were cold and his face set into a humorless smirk.

"Fine." I stalked over to the ring, throwing my jacket off my shoulders and tossing it to the side. I turned to face him but he was already right behind me. How the fuck did he get there so quickly? And silently! He pushed my shoulder then, open palmed. Not hard enough to make me fall, but enough that I stumbled.

"No wonder that kid got you so bruised up. You ever have your guard up initiate?" I glowered at him. Putting up my hands and falling in to the defensive stance that now felt so natural. He laughed without mirth,

"All defense and no offence. Have I taught you nothing?!" He swung at me, not at full force, but hard enough to knock me back from my shoulder where he landed.

"Be quicker Kira!" He jabbed again, this time faking for my injured side, then going for the other with his elbow. Not hard, but with enough weight that it knocked me to my knees. I looked up at him with fury as he paced around me, eyes wild.

"Fucking predictable. Every time I see you, you have new bruises all over you. And this is why. You need to be faster than them. You have to be better and stronger and smarter."

"You want to see my bruises Eric? Fine!" I knew there would be a large one on my side courtesy of Molly, and a darker one on my back from Edward kicking me off the table. If he wants bruises. He's going get bruises. I'm going through Dauntless initiation. I'm MADE of bruises!

I stripped off my long shirt, the sports bra beneath protecting my dignity. My tight military pants were too difficult to get off so dramatically so I left them on. I didn't take my eyes off his as I did it. And his eyes never left mine.

I spun for him, opening my arms wide, not caring that I was acting like an over dramatic idiot. If he wanted to pick fights with me for no reason, this was what he was going to get.

"I am not some precious fucking flower that needs to be coddled or berated every time I get in a fight! Now get your hands up," I said, putting up mine and going into an offensive stance. His face changed, and that crazy gleam from before was replaced by something else. It was just as intense and I felt a pulling in my lower abdomen. I flushed, and wiped my brow to hide it.

"I mean it. Hands up." He complied, almost smiling now, the coldness of his expression all but gone, the teasing grin I was becoming used to starting to seep in. he put his hands up in a defensive stance and I lept. No matter where I tried to hit I couldn't get at him. He was faster than me and stronger than me, and he had taught me all I knew. He anticipated my moves before I had even made them. If I tried a roundhouse, he'd grab my thigh and throw it back down. I tried to spin into an elbow and he caught my waist with one hand and the back of my elbow with another and pushed me away.

After about half an hour, I was panting and flushed and out of breath, and although I hadn't hit him, I could tell he was getting tired too. My kicks and hits weren't fast enough, but only barely. We hadn't spoken, only fought. Our previous anger forgotten in the physical task at hand. I was so frustrated I wanted to scream, and all the while he fixed me with this smirk. Smug fucker. I saw his eyes flick ever so quickly to my chest, which I knew was heaving and covered in a thin sheen of sweat. I took his moment of distraction, however fleeting and tried one last move. He caught my knee as it flew to his abdomen and used the momentum to get me on the ground, pinning me there in one fluid movement. I tried immediately to get my arms up and around him to spin out but he trapped them above my head with both hands. His knees were on either side of mine, his ankles over my shins to keep me still, though if I was honest, I had stopped struggling with quite such gusto.

"I win."

I glared at him, my chest heaving, and my blood thumping in my veins, still trying, though not quite so hard, to wriggle out. I couldn't help it. The physical exertion and the tension that had been building the last two months between us had come to a sweaty dramatic head. And I would have been lying to say I wasn't incredibly turned on by his strong body on top of mine.

Eric

Now what you idiot?

When she had walked in I was furious. At Four. At her. At that shitty kid for beating her up and costing me the match. I knew I never should have left her up there by herself. If I had been mad before she interrupted me, after I saw that new mark on her face, I was fucking livid. I couldn't understand why it made me so angry. I saw beat up initiates every year. For some reason this one was different. I felt…responsible. If I had just stayed in the building with her there we never would have lost the match, and she wouldn't have gotten her ass kicked by Edward.

But then we started to spar. And damn could she fight. She was winded and injured and still gave me a run for my money. If I didn't know all her moves from the training, she would have been an even match for me. Only the fact that I was her trainer, and had two years of experience on her helped me win. With every kick that landed where it should and every punch that could have knocked me out if I had been a second slower my anger started to fade away. I was still pissed at Four, and his stupid winning streak. But Kira didn't need me to protect her, she was more than capable of protecting herself, and that was hot as fuck.

All of a sudden everything clicked. It was her. All that anger and all that venom that had been coursing through my veins had been because of her. Because she was hurt. Jesus. The moment I realised it I looked down at her struggling beneath me, though I was sure she wasn't struggling hard. Her chest was heaving and I could see the little shudders of her heart beating hard. I could feel myself stiffen at the implications and gripped her wrists a little tighter.

"Dammit Eric." Her voice cracked a little on my name and I groaned in spite of myself. She looked right at me then, finally stilling and I saw for certain now that her eyes were as lust filled as I was sure my own were.

"Fuck it."

Kira

I could feel him looking at me, pinned under him, not letting me up. Not that I really want to get up...

I was struggling more now out of habit from initiation and muscle memory, never having really felt uncomfortable under him. My heart was thudding in my chest and it wasn't from the fight anymore. This was the closest we'd been in a long time, his chest inches from mine, and I could barely handle it. I needed him. A hungry primal need that I was almost ashamed of but that I wanted to feed right damn now.

He was pinning me down with ease, his hands keeping mine above my head and for once the feeling of being vulnerable to a man didn't make me feel terrified, it made me feel more excited than I could take.

I squirmed a bit more, looking at his position to see if there was a way I could get on top, my brain still partly in sparring mode. That was when I saw the slight telltale sign below his waist and I caved. Butterflies flooded me, and at that moment I knew he wanted me as much as I wanted him.

"Dammit Eric." My voice broke on his name, becoming huskier than I had intended, and it had a delightful effect. I heard him groan, and snapped my eyes to his and stopped moving. His eyes were filled with the primal longing I knew were in mine. He held my gaze for a second, and growled,

"Fuck it." His lips crashed into mine, the contact causing my hips to rise to meet his, moaning when I ground against the bulge in his pants. He growled again, a throaty, animalistic noise and moved one hand from mine and brought it down to my waist to help lift me towards him.

I half yelped half screamed. Blinding pain shot mercilessly through my side, distracting me from what I was doing. He shot back and his grip on my side became gentle, his other hand coming down to help support my back, lifting me to sitting position on top of him.

"You ok?" he asked. His eyes were still dark but I could see concern in his frown now, not just lust.

"Yeah…I kinda killed the mood though." I smiled sheepishly, my sexy confidence gone. He grinned at me, not guarded like usual. A real smile. He pulled me easily to my feet, taking care not to hurt me,

"Why is it I'm always taking you to the nurse?" I laughed, as we made our way to the door.

"Maybe I should stop hanging around you then." I teased, grabbing my shirt and jacket from the ground as we went. He spun in front of me and pinned me to the wall, his hand behind my back, carefully positioned to make sure I didn't hurt myself on the stone. He leaned down and moved close to me, making my breath hitch in my throat. Jesus Kira, get a hold of yourself.

"Oh I'm not done with you yet." He closed the small gap between us with a hard kiss, though not as hard as the one before. He pulled away, one hand on the side of my neck and the other in my hair.

"Let's go." He murmured. I gulped and nodded.

"But you might want to put a shirt on first." He smirked, and I flushed beet red.

He walked me to the nurse, and we talked a little as we went about nothing really. She made me stay the night, saying the fluids I needed would have the bruising gone in a day or two and a nights real rest would do me good. After she left Eric lingered for a few minutes. The pain and sleeping meds she'd given me were starting to kick in and I could feel the world going fuzzy around me. I was vaguely aware of Eric bending down and kissing my forehead before taking off and leaving me to my beautiful drug induced slumber.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is no Eric in this chapter. I want to develop her more without him. Enjoy!

Whatever was in the serum that Dauntless gave its wounded, it worked miracles. After a few days of taking it easy and actually following doctor's orders I was almost back to 100%. I had barely seen Eric since the day in the training room, and rumour had it he wasn't even in Dauntless most of that week. But as the days went on and I went through my fear landscape, I was grateful he wasn't around. I was unfocused around him and I needed all my wits about me for this part of the initiation. I had seven fears. Not quite as impressive as Four, but I was definitely not the worst in our group. The only thing with this part of the initiation was that it had bumped me down the rankings a bit. I had done well in the physical portion, my past giving me a leg up on the competition as far as fighting was concerned, though I still wasn't the best in our class. My skill with a gun had helped balance my lack of skill with the throwing knives, though I had gotten almost as good with them since I had started practising with Tris. I didn't have her natural affinity with them, but the blood sweat and tears had paid off and I was better than most, but I was still far from the top of the group. The fear landscapes however were a totally different ball game. I was used to physical exertion and I understood how to push myself to be better, but with the psychological training they were putting us through...I was screwed. I knew how to tune things out, how to go to a safe place in my mind and survive the things that were happening to me, but there was no hiding from these fears. Even though I was Divergent and I knew I was in a simulation, something Four had let me in on, they still crippled me. Divergent didn't mean immune to fear.

"What are they?" Christina asked as we sat on her bed, massaging each others aching limbs. Taking it easy was one thing. But that didn't mean I had stopped training all together. Tris was sitting cross legged on her bed beside us. Still not comfortable with that level of physical contact, she kneaded her own thigh, trying to work out some of the tension. I smiled a little, Tris had come a long way since that first day we'd met on the train, but there was a lot of her personality that still screamed Abnegation.

"Nothing I can't handle," I winked at her and she pretended to fan herself, "Trapped in a cage, buried alive, stuck in a burning room, my father, not being able to protect an innocent, spiders crawling all over me... Normal stuff." Christina nodded. I knew she had noticed how I slipped my father in the middle, but she didn't mention it. One of the many reasons I loved her.

"How about you Tris?" I asked, I knew she had been doing well, that much was all over Dauntless...and it was getting her some unwanted attention.  
"Alright, I guess." I could see the fear in her eyes and I knew why. Doing too well could mark her as Divergent. Something I was becoming more and more sure she was every day. Little by little she was opening up to us and with everything she said and did I was convinced she was hiding the same secret I was. She was selfless, although that could be explained away by her Abnegation upbringing. She was brave, as initiation so far had proved, she had climbed the board with amazing speed. But mostly she was smart, and her modesty wasn't going to be enough to temper the tension that was starting to build between her and our other friends. She was moving past them in the rankings, and I knew they were starting to believe that she had a trick that they weren't being let in on. I could see it in Christina's face as we sat and talked some more. To distract her I pulled her in towards me and grabbed her shoulders, working out the knots there. She moaned and I giggled. She carried all her stress in her shoulders and the Candor in her just couldn't hide how good it felt to have all of that ache carefully rubbed out.  
"Get a room! Or don't..." I heard Peter shout from across the room. Christina ignored him except to flip him off and Tris looked only mildly uncomfortable. Slowly she was becoming used to Christina and I being casually physical with one and other, even if she wasn't ready for it herself.

"Alright! My turn." I let go of her small shoulders and turned my back to her. Grumbling she complied and her little hands went to work on my sore muscles. I could understand why she moaned but I kept my own noises to myself as the tension was worked out.

"Has anyone else been loving the absence of our evil leader as much as I have?" I felt myself tense and I know Christina felt it too because she turned me around and grabbed my chin.  
"What happened with you and him? Did he hurt you?" I could see the concern on her face and I flicked my chin out of her grasp. Tris had the same look of concern but hers was mingled with something else. Curiosity I thought, and realized that she was probably more on to my feelings for Eric than I had known. Turning back to Christina I put her hands back on my shoulders so she could continue her work.

"Nothing happened Chris, he didn't attack me if that's what you're asking. And besides," I put up my hands in a mock fighting position, "I could take him." she relaxed and laughed, though I could see she didn't wholly believe me, and Tris believed me even less. "Seriously you guys, nothing happened. He just helped me out with my technique and took me to the nurse cause I was pushing it too far after Capture the Flag." Christina mmhmmed and I stuck my tongue out at her. It was fun to be able to be silly and childish with her and Tris. Before Dauntless I was so reserved and kept so much to myself to keep anyone finding out about my family life. Sure I had people I'd talk to at school, and some guys that I flirted with on occasion, and even they guys I'd slept with weren't real friends. But since I'd met Christina and Tris, I finally knew what people were talking about when they said they'd do anything for their friends.

"Either of you feel like a walk? I need to stretch my legs. Sitting in that chair all day long is killing me." They both declined, wanting to turn in for an early night. While the mental testing wasn't physically tiring, it still managed to leave you exhausted at the end of the day. Neither of them did and although I wasn't sure I should be wandering about the halls by myself I needed to clear my head.

The hallways were empty this late at night, and I was glad of the quiet. Dauntless was noisy and cluttered and vibrant. And while most of the time I loved it, right now all I wanted was silence. I found myself on the same waterfall where I had first spoken to Eric, and the thought of him made my stomach flip. Although this time it wasn't all for nice reasons. One of the rumours of his whereabouts was that he was helping round up the "dangerous" Divergents. He hated them. This much I already knew, from comments made during training and stories I had heard whispered in corridors. He hates what I am. How could I ever be with him if that was the case? Maybe I could change his mind. Maybe once he found out he would realize we aren't all dangerous criminals trying to bring down the system. Maybe...but not likely. I put my forehead against the cold steel of the railing, loving the feeling against my skin. I let the stillness envelope me and focused only on the sound of the water. I heard the soft pad of footsteps coming my way, and the soft rumble of male voices. Rising quickly and silently I hid behind a small outcropping, not for the first time glad of my small size and my tried and true ability to stay hidden.

"He's the only one in my way for first." that was Peter's voice, and he must have been talking about Edward. The new rankings had been posted that morning, Edward was first, Peter second, and Tris in third. I was fifth, a nice middle of the road spot. Not too low to be in danger of being cut, and not too high that I was going to be noticed.

"There has to be another way. They can test him for that...won't they figure out you're lying if he's one of them?"

"I'm not lying if it's true, and if he isn't, then I was just a concerned citizen doing his duty to our society. Better to be safe than sorry."

"Fuck Peter, do you really think he's a Divergent?

"There's only one way to find out." I could hear the glee in Peters voice and it made me feel ill.

"What about the Stiff?"

"We can deal with her later. One problem at a time." The voices moved past my hiding spot and I let out a long awaited breath. They were going to turn him in. That was how Peter was going to get the first spot. Son of a bitch. He was evil, but I had to hand it to him. He had managed to get rid of the competition without actually getting his hands dirty or implicating himself in any way. But what about Tris...I ran back to the dorms, suddenly freezing and eager to get back to the relative safety of my bed.

I laid there tossing and turning for hours before I finally decided on what I had to do. I had to talk to Tris. If Peter was a threat to Edward, then Tris's spot directly below him was going to put her in harms way too. He had already said as much. As soon as his spot at the top was secure, Peter was going to go after anyone threatening to take it from him. I looked at the clock on the wall. It was a little before 3 in the morning, still lots of time before anyone would start to wake up around 6. We didn't have to get up as early for the Mental training as our gym time, but after months of a 6am rise, it was a pretty hard habit to break. The fact that the rest of Dauntless woke up at that time and got to the food early too was another good motivator. I slipped out of my bed and crouched over to my neighbour. Tris was sound asleep with her hand over her face. Gently covering her mouth with one hand I shook her with the other. She started and made a muffled cry that made me glad I had done so. Her eyes were wide and I put my finger to my lips before setting her free.

"Put your shoes on. I need to talk to you." I whispered. She nodded, even bleary eyed and still obviously tired she was already alert. We dressed quickly and silently made our way up to one of the taller buildings. One that I was sure had no cameras.

"What are we doing up here?" She asked, wrapping her arms around her small frame. Even though we had grabbed our thin hoodies, the cold night air still nipped at our skin.

"I heard Peter talking to someone tonight. He's planning to turn Edward in as a Divergent." I waited for her reaction and her expression told me all I needed to know. "You really need to work on your poker face." She bushed and looked at the ground,

"How long have you known?"

"I suspected for a while, takes one to know one I guess." At this she did look surprised. I laughed,

"I've had a lot more practice than you at keeping my secrets close to my chest. You need to watch yourself. Peter is a piece of shit but he's smart. And even if he doesn't actually suspect you he's clearly willing to make an accusation to get his way. And if he does decide to do that, you would be royally screwed."

"So would you."

"Correct, but I'm far enough down the ranks that he won't worry about me. I may have done ell with all things physical but these fear landscapes are kicking my butt. Just because I know they're not real doesn't make them not scary." Tris nodded, and her eyes flicked over me nervously.

"So what are we going to do?"

"You need to talk to Four. I know you two are close, and it's too suspicious if we're all hanging out having little meetings. See what he knows about what's going on in the rest of the city, I've been hearing some things and none of it is good."

"What about Eric?"

"What about him?" Tris rolled her eyes,

"He's one of the ones rounding up people like us. He practically worships Jeanine according to Four. We need to be careful around him...I know you two have a thing,"

"We don't have a-"

"Yes you do. God being in the same room with you two is painful, you could cut the tension with a knife. I don't know what it is, but it's not the same as...as Four and I." I smiled a little at her finally admitting something was going on there,"It's like you're drawn to each other. Four and I have this connection, maybe it's the Divergent thing or maybe it's just that we like each other but with you and Eric...it's like fate or something," I laughed and she looked at me sternly, "I know it sounds dumb but you know what I mean."

Truthfully I did know. Regardless of how little time I had spent with him alone, when we were together it was electric. When he touched me my whole body was on fire and he pushed me to be better. He didn't want me weak and submissive, he didn't want me to roll over and take the abuse that he doled out in the training room. He wanted me to fight back and improve and be powerful on my own, I had realized that since the last time we sparred. The tension and feelings had been building between us since that first night on the bridge. All stolen glances and loaded touching, and then that kiss... I knew he wanted me just as much as I wanted him. Even still, what Four and Tris had was real affection, the kind that meant he would do anything for her. What was between Eric and I at the moment amounted to little more than lust...and I wasn't sure that would be enough to make him change his whole world view.

"He hates Divergents," I said softly, "He hates what I am. How would we ever get past that?"

"Maybe he's been brainwashed by Jeanine into thinking we're something we're not? That we're a threat."

"We are a threat Tris. God I may not be willing to admit to some things but I do know that. We can think outside of the boxes they've put us in, and that is a danger to the whole faction system. Jeanine's power comes from that system. She can't afford to let us run around unchecked."

"Do you think Eric believes that too?"

"I don't know what I think anymore. What I do know is that you have to be careful, and we need more information. Talk to Four, and we'll go from there."

Later, after we had exhausted all we could share about our situation, I thought about my future. I had assumed that it would be in Dauntless, but now I wasn't so sure that was going to be an option for me. I rolled over uneasily in my bed and when I finally drifted off to sleep I was far from peaceful.


	9. Chapter 9

The next few days were rough, and Tris and I were on high alert. The day after I heard Peter's plan, Edward was gone. There was no explanation, he was just gone; and I was terrified. A new fear started appearing in my landscapes, I was being pursued by faceless men, and I could never hide for long. It didn't take a genius to figure out what that meant. I had been afraid of being found out before, but it was a far away fear that I really hadn't let myself think about yet, the ever present threat of my father always taking first place on my list. Edwards disappearance showed me the consequences of what I was. Divergent. A taboo word, and finally I knew what it meant. It meant that we had the power, that we were a threat to the system. And that Tris, Four and I were in very real danger. Tris had found out from Four that Erudite and Dauntless were pairing up. But for what? We knew Abnegation had a part to play in all this, all that bad press couldn't be for nothing. Every few days the paper was peppered with some new propaganda. Abnegation were helping the Factionless, they were stealing supplies, they were abusing their children. All stories designed to turn the other factions against them.

"We have to do something." Tris whispered to me in our usual meeting place. The tall outcropping had become somewhere safe we went to talk. Out of earshot where there were no cameras to catch us.

"We will, but first we have to figure out exactly what we're up against."

The training sessions were still brutal. After a month of just fear landscapes we had begun alternating days. One day we would train in the fighting arena, and the next we would face our fears. The trials were designed to push us to the breaking point as we were nearing the end of initiation. The thing I used to dream of, graduating to a full member of Dauntless, was becoming something I feared. Something else was happening too. As Tris maintained her Number 2 spot below Peter, it was as though a poison had seeped into our group. Especially with Al. Christina, Will and I were still doing well, even though we weren't top of the class, but Al as hovering dangerously low on the board, only one spot away from being cut. Coming to a head one night when we were at supper, Al and Tris were whispering viciously at one another,

"Why can't you just tell me how you're doing it?"

"I told you I'm not doing anything!" Al made a loud disgusted noise,

"If you're going to screw us all over Stiff at least be honest. Peter's no angel but at least he's up front about it." Tris looked like he had slapped her, Al had never called her that before and at the shared look between Christina and I told me that was the first time she had heard it too.

"I am being honest! It's not my fault you're failing. Maybe you aren't cut out to be Dauntless but don't take it out on me."

"Tris!" Christina looked shocked, and Tris looked wounded even through her obvious anger.

"Not you too Christina. I thought Candor were supposed to be able to spot liars. I'm not lying and you all know it! Al is just too upset about his wounded pride to care." I was shocked and Christina looked thoroughly scolded. Tris had never spoken to us like that and while part of me was proud of her for finally sticking up for herself, the blotchy marks appearing on Al's skin made me think she'd gone too far.

"Well at least I don't have to sleep with the instructor to move up the boards." He spat at full volume, abandoning the whisper. The surrounding tables turned to look at us. Unfortunately one including Four, Eric and Max. Shoving himself back Al turned to go, forcing his way through the now hugely interested throng. Tris was flaming red and the remaining four of us sat there in awkward silence as the rest of the hall returned to their meals. I chanced a look at the leader's table and Eric was still looking over at us, an unreadable expression on his face. His eyes met mine and bored into me, the feelings I was trying so hard to suppress coming to the surface. His eyes flicked towards the exit and my heart did a little flip again. He got up to leave after Four who had swiftly excused himself.

"Tris..." started Christina tentatively, as the former Abnegation looked like she was about to burst into tears and was just barely holding it together, "I know I haven't been the most gracious loser lately...but I don't think you're sleeping your way to the top." Tris looked up at her, her brimming eyes meeting Christina's chocolate brown spheres. She nodded lightly and Chris moved quickly around the table to envelop her in a hug. And for once Tris didn't tense up.

"I'll go talk to him." Will offered, and I nodded, my hand on Tris's back for support.

"Me too," I said, once Will had left, not intending to do anything of the sort. Christina nodded at me and pulled Tris up to walk it off.

I left through the same hallway Eric had, and walked in a random direction, trusting that he'd catch up to me eventually, proven right when I heard familiar heavy footsteps behind me. I rounded a small corner to a dead end and he finally caught up.

"Feeling better initiate?" His gravelly voice made me feel warmer than I wanted, and I turned around to face him, leaving back casually against the stone wall.

"Much. You've been gone a long time."

"Fortunately my job includes more than just babysitting. Four can handle this part on his own."

"Four is good, but he's lacking a certain something."

"Is he indeed? Not according to your friend." I could feel him watching for my reaction, and laughed.

"Al's been in love with Tris since he got here. He's just jealous someone else got there first." Eric raised an eyebrow at that, and I knew I was treading a thin line with this lie. But I had my whole life filled with leading people just far enough astray that I could get away with a half truth.

"So Four really is giving the Stiff an extra helping hand?"

"Not like that, I think he's just giving her some extra tips...sorta like you were with me." I grinned and moved a step closer to him.

"Oh really? Because I think our training sessions were getting a little more interesting than that." he moved a little closer, so he was almost standing over me,

"Well good, I'm glad you're not like that with all the girls." He laughed,

"There's definitely no other girls like you, that I'm sure of." I had backed off a bit and he had followed me to the wall as I leaned my back against it.

"How do you know that I wonder?"

"Extensive research," I quirked my eyebrow at that, and he laughed again, "No one has caught my attention like you in quite a while Kira." His voice was lower now and his arm had snaked around me, finally closing the gap between us.

"Hmmm, well in that case, I'd better keep my game up." I moved my arms to his shoulders and felt him lift me, my legs moving around his waist like they belonged there. My back hit the wall again and I gasped a little.

"Are you still hurt?" He pulled me back.

"No." I smiled and felt him grin against me as I kissed him. God it felt good, after weeks of trying to tell myself I didn't want him. It was stupid, and dangerous, and I knew that if he knew what I was he would turn me in to Jeanine in a heartbeat, but he just felt so damn good. His hands were under my shirt, going no higher than my rips in the exposed hallway, but even so his calloused fingers were making me shiver. I pulled at his shirt, and when he pulled back from me his eyes were dark and glassy; and judging from how I felt I had a pretty good idea why.

"We can't do this here." He put his forehead against mine, "We shouldn't be doing this at all...but we can't do it here." I nodded

"I know." He looked back at me, and his face looked softer somehow than usual. He was clean shaven as always, but when I touched his jaw I could feel the sandpaper beginnings of his stubble.

"In a few weeks you won't be an in training anymore, you'll just be another Dauntless."

"If I pass the final test." He set me down,

"Of course you'll pass. You're one of the best hand to hand and the best shot by far. Even your knife work is passable now." he said with a small smile and I nudged his arm

"It's not the physical, its the mental tests. I'm...I'm having trouble with them." I met his eyes now, and was surprised to see something like compassion there.

"So do we all, and you have more skeletons in your closet than most of us. It's courage that makes you Dauntless Kira. It doesn't matter how fast you get through your fears; it's that you get through them."

"And if I don't?"

"I won't let that happen." He pulled me towards him and this time there was no fire, only comfort as I let myself be held. "Max already knows you have great potential. The tests wont change that. You're one of the top in your class even with the simulations." I nodded against his chest.

"I know. Thank you for saying it though." he squeezed a little and then pulled away, still smiling that small smile.

"You should go back to your dorm before people start to wonder where you went."

"Yes sir."

"You want me to walk with you?"

"I'll be fine, and I don't need people asking questions either. Tris already has that reputation, and it's not something I want."

"I'll see you tomorrow in the training room." He walked away and not for the first time I realized how incredibly screwed I was.

The way back to the dorm was quiet and I was glad of the chance to collect my thoughts. What the hell was I doing? Eric was actively leading some kind of movement against the Divergent population. He hated them...but I couldn't stop myself. When he looked at me, I didn't see the hate. All I could see was him holding me as I cried over my father. Him getting mad when I was hurt. How he looked at me right before he kissed me, like I was all that existed in the world. He would kill me if he knew. Wouldn't he? Or would he? Would it be enough? This thing we had? God we weren't even together. I've only known him a few months. That's not enough time to make someone change their whole thought process over a crush? When Jeanine has been brainwashing him for God knows how long. But what if he wasn't being brainwashed? What if he actually believed it all? That we are evil. Something to be I'm screwed.

I had been walking in a trance, rambling on in my brain when I heard shouting in the tunnel to my left; the tunnel that led to the bridge. What the fuck? I ran towards it, all thoughts of Eric and his lovely body pushed from my brain, when I heard a familiar voice screaming.

Tris.

Eric

What the hell am I doing? Kissing in a tunnel like a freaking school boy? But God Damn when she kissed me back...

Only a few more weeks. Then she'd really be a part of Dauntless. A part of the new Dauntless; the one we were building with Erudite. Not for the first time I wondered if she'd hate me for what we were going to do. I knew she was close with the Stiff, the one Four was losing himself over. But Abnegation needed to be stopped. They were chipping away at the whole system. Harboring Divergents, consorting with the Factionless. The Divergent weren't evil people. But they were too dangerous to be left to run around unchecked. She has to know that right? What we were planning with Abnegation, it had made my stomach turn when Jeanine had told us. But it was for the greater good of our society. Wasn't it?

Kira

"Tris!" I rounded the corner to see them hanging her over the rail, they turned at the noise and almost dropped her over. The momentary distraction was all she needed to push the one closest to her off of her, and I had the two nearest me on me within moments. I could feel the bulk of one of them, but he was slower than me and had nowhere near my skill, easily taken back and dealt with he was out on the floor within two hits. The other one though, even through the mask I knew it was Peter. His wiry body hit me full force as the big one went down and I was only barely keeping him from ripping my head off when Four pulled him off me. The sight of him had Peter running, his little gang already scattered. I had never seen Four like that, and for once I was almost scared of him.

"Tobias?" I heard Tris's voice through and he seemed to snap out of whatever it was, meeting my eyes.

"We good?" I asked, knowing what he was feeling. When you are raised in violence it becomes a part of you, that rage becomes a part of you; and as much as it sickens you...it's hard to resist. He nodded shortly and went to her, and I went to the lump of black on the floor, still out cold. I knew the shape of the man I was coming up on, and I could barely bring myself to lift his mask.

"Kira don't."

"Not showing his face won't make it not him Tris" I pulled at the dark fabric and saw what I knew I would. Al.

I could hear Four breathing hard and Tris's small sob, my stomach felt like lead but I steeled myself.

"Just leave him here."

"Kira we can't-"

"He almost threw you off the bridge Tris! If Four and I weren't here you would be dead. And Al would be part of the reason." Four looked at me and I could feel the reproach in his eyes but he knew it needed to be said.

"We need to get you out of here. Neither of you should sleep in the dorm tonight."

"What about Christina?"

"She's not a threat to him."  
"I'm not afraid of him." But I was. Four met my eyes and I knew he could tell I was lying.

"Even so, one night wont hurt."

"Well we can't all sleep at your place, then what would people say." he actually laughed that time.

"I wasn't taking you with me."

Eric

I was reading when there was a knock on my door. My eyes flicked to the clock and it was past 10. What the fuck? The door was bolted but I had a look out hole and was surprised to see Four in the view.

"Bit late for a visit-" I stopped when the open door revealed more than just my co-trainer. The Stiff and Kira were there too. Tris's hair was a mess and looked like she had been dragged through a bush, and there was blood on Kira's face. Again. I was immediately white hot, and I could feel myself tense.

"Who?"

"Peter, Al, I'm not sure who else."

"Let me guess, they thought offing the Stiff would make sure they don't get cut." Tris nodded and for a tiny moment I felt sorry for her. Then I remembered she was on my list to watch and pushed those feelings down.

"I saw them on the monitors, Kira must have heard from the hall." I chanced a look at her again and felt another surge of rage. Her face was ashen, which made the blood even more stark, but her eyes were steel when I met them, which tempered me only a little.

"I want that footage on my desk first thing tomorrow. Where are they now?"

"Al has probably come to by now. And the others are in bed if they know what's good for them."

"They cant stay there." Kira can't stay there. Every cell in my body was against it.

"I know. But I can't take them both." I heard the unanswered question and saw it on Four's face. I was a faction leader, and I could authorize the Stiff staying at his apartment under these circumstances. But both? That would be a stretch.

"Kira," I gestured inside and she moved without a word, barely brushing my arm on the way, "I'll fix it with Max tomorrow." Four made a quick jerk of his head and headed off towards his place. If the Stiff wasn't in love with him before she sure as hell would be now. I closed and bolted the door, and turned to find Kira standing in the middle of the room. I sighed and moved towards her,

"Well this isn't exactly how I wanted to get you up here." she was trembling slightly and laughed, nervously I thought.

"This isn't how I thought I'd get here either." She was trying to flirt but her eyes were too bright and her skin was too pale. She was freaked right the hell out, and as much as it made me want to kill something, I knew getting angry would not help right now.  
"Oh so you'd thought about it?" I pulled her towards me the way I had in the tunnel. Not with passion, just so she had something to hold on to.

"Are you ok?" she scrunched her hands in my shirt and shook her head against my chest.

"They would have killed her. They would have killed me too if Four hadn't shown up."

"They will never touch you again do you hear me?" I tilted her chin up to look at me, and her eyes were bloodshot but dry. "Lets get you cleaned up." I took her to the bathroom and looked her over as she sat on the edge of the tub. Nothing was hurt except a small cut on her brow, which had looked worse than it was before I cleaned it out. I handed her a fresh shirt from my closet and left her to change.

I'm going to fucking kill that kid.

Kira

Alone in the bathroom, wearing a shirt that smelled like him I was incredibly aware of the situation I was in. I am in Eric's apartment. Wearing Eric's shirt. With a very angry Eric. I could see it in his face when he saw the blood on mine, and I could feel it when he was holding me. If I was Peter, I would be very very scared right now. Hell, I was scared of him right now.  
On the other hand. I was in Eric's apartment, wearing Eric's shirt...and this evening had the potential to end a lot better than it started. The thought gave me a hot feeling in my stomach, one I tried to repress. He was sitting on the sofa when I got out. I laid my clothes on one of the chairs in the small living room and he looked up at the movement. The room was surprisingly cosy, given how cold he usually was. I wasn't sure what I had been expecting from Eric's home, but warm tones and soft blankets weren't it. He was looking me over, and I was very aware that the shirt he had given me didn't quite reach my knees.

"Tired?" he asked

"Exhausted."

"I'll show you the spare room." he got up and led me down a small hallway, "On the left is the spare, on the right is mine...where you sleep is up to you." I looked up at him, and he grinned, but his voice was soft when he spoke "It's been a tough night Kira, if you want company I won't blame you. But it doesn't have to be more than that." He kissed my forehead gently and he moved to his room and closed the door behind him, not quite all the way.

Well then. I stepped into the spare room and decided that for now I would sleep in here. No use in making tonight more than it had to be, and I didn't completely trust myself when it came to him. Before we came here Four, Tris and I had gone up to the tower to talk and we had come to the conclusion that while it was good that Eric liked me, getting too close to him at this point was too dangerous. Eric was working with Jeanine, and Four had proof. They were stockpiling weapons and they had redoubled the efforts in the Factionless and within the other factions to find Divergents. Eric was leading the charge against my kind. I knew this. I knew this in my head. But when he was with me, and he was looking at me in that way he never looks at anyone else. With softness and concern...it was hard to believe that he was the same person Four told me about. That he would turn me in. That he would kill me. I crawled under the covers, shivering, and tried to get some sleep.

Eric

I wasn't sure how I was going to do it. Maybe during the attack on Abnegation. I could make it seem like an accident...Shit Eric. You're thinking about murder. The thought of her going over that ledge made my blood boil, and all I wanted was to hold her all night and not let go. But forcing her into my bed, good intentioned or not, wasn't the way to deal with it. The really troubling part was why this happened. It was all because of the Stiff. Tris. I would have to do more digging tomorrow. But I was really starting to think there might be more merit to the marker on her file than I had thought. Divergent. It all came back to that. Already I could see what Jeanine meant, they couldn't be allowed to be among us. They're too dangerous.  
I fell asleep easily after I saw Kira's light go out, but a small noise a few hours later woke me. A small silhouette at the doorway gave me a pretty good idea why.

"Kira?"

"I might have been too hasty with the sleeping arrangements." I smiled, even though she couldn't see it, and pulled back the covers in invitation. She padded over softly and crawled into the bed, her back to me.

"Thanks."

"Of course." I laid back down facing her, and she turned her head slightly towards me.

"Really Eric, thank you. I wouldn't have felt safe anywhere else tonight." A small ball burned in my chest and I reached out for her slowly, giving her time to move away. But she moved back into me instead, and relaxed a little against me.

"Glad to be of service. Now get some rest."

She made a contented sort of noise and her breathing deepened within minutes. It didn't take long after for me to fall asleep, happier than I had been in a long time.

Kira

I moved back against him, the warmth and comfort of his body calling out to me, and relaxed for the first time since I'd stepped into the apartment. His arm moved more securely, almost possessively, around my torso. How could someone who represented everything that scared me, make me feel so unbelievably safe? Despite the guilt I felt at betraying Four and Tris, the exhaustion of the night, and Eric's embrace were lulling me quickly to sleep. It was easy to forget that in any other circumstance he would be the stuff of my nightmares, not the one keeping them at bay.


	10. Chapter 10

Kira

The next morning when I woke up Eric was already gone. I wasn't sure whether to be disappointed or relieved. The clock on the bedside table said it was only 08:00, but I didn't have my Fear training until 1.00 that day. Resisting the urge to go back to sleep in Eric's unfairly comfortable bed, I padded my way to the bathroom. I showered first, thinking if he let me sleep in his bed that Eric wouldn't have a problem sharing some soap. The full length mirror gave me a better look at the damage. It wasn't too bad, I had new bruises on my throat from where Peter had held me down, and some sore spots on my back from hitting the ground but other than that I was fine. Looking at the purple marks around my throat I couldn't quite believe he had given them to me. I knew we weren't exactly buds...but I didn't think he was this bad, not outside of the training room at least. Back in the spare room I found a clean set of my clothes that I quickly slipped into. I heard the door to the apartment open and close, and I tensed, listening for Eric's voice.

"Kira?" The relief flooded my body and I let out a breath.

"In here." His footsteps came quickly and he opened the door a crack before he came inside.

"Can I come in?" I smiled,

"Yeah, I'm decent."

"Making yourself comfortable I see," I started to protest, "Kidding, feel free to use whatever you need." He gestured with his head that I should follow him, and in the kitchen it was clear why. He had brought back food from the breakfast.

"In case you didn't want to go down there yet. I was at a meeting early this morning and I figured you wouldn't be awake yet so..." I stepped towards him and he trailed off. This was what I needed. That small show of concern that wasn't jealousy or anger. Just him simply wanting to make sure I was fed, even if I was too fragile to go down to The Pit just yet. I put my finger on his lips, and he took my meaning immediately. His hands went to my neck, careful to avoid the bruising, and tilted my chin up to meet him. This time when we kissed it wasn't animalistic and raw like it had been before. But somehow it was more powerful. I could feel the restraint in his touch, and how he was trying to be gentle when he lifted me onto the island. His mouth moved to my throat and I groaned as his short stubble grazed my skin. He took it as encouragement and deft hands removed my shirt, leaving me in just my bra. I noticed him looking where he had always tried to ignore before, in the training room and other places. I pushed off his shirt and pulled him closer to me, needing the skin on skin contact. The his kissing progressed downwards, nipping lightly at the skin of my breasts and pulling the sensitive nubs into his mouth. I moaned again and he made a contented noise before pulling back. I frowned at him,

"Why did you stop?" he shot me a mischievous grin

"Oh I'm sorry were you enjoying that?"

"Just a little." I bit my lip, and pulled him towards me again. He broke apart from the kiss after a few seconds and mumbled against my lips,

"How do you feel about moving this somewhere a little more comfortable?" His question was soft, and somehow I knew it was truly up to me if I wanted to go all the way. But My God did I want to go all the way, the feelings I had been repressing for months had finally come to a head and Four and Tris be dammed if I wasn't going to act on them. It wasn't fair that they got to hook up and I just had to sit by silently because I had chosen the wrong guy. I nodded and felt him smile as he picked me up again and took us towards his room.

He set me on the bed, and crawled on top of me, hovering over me without letting his body weight fully rest on me. My hands trailed down his stomach towards his pants and I heard a knock at the door.

"Ignore it."

"Gladly." I continued with his belt and had just started on the button when someone knocked again.

"Eric!"

"Shit!" He shot off of me and for a moment I was furious, thinking some other girl was here to see him...until he put a finger to my lips and mouthed 'Jeanine'. My eyes went wide and I nodded that I understood. He couldn't be seen like this with me. I was still an initiate and Eric was still my trainer. Max understood the circumstances that had brought me here the night before but Jeanine was cold logic. I padded quickly into the spare room and closed the door, leaving it open just a crack. I heard Eric open the door and greet her, but I couldn't quite make out what they were saying. All of a sudden it hit me. I was hiding from Jeanine in Eric's apartment. Granted she wasn't there hunting me as a Divergent but that was probably what this secret little meeting was about. I remembered Jeanine from Erudite, she had always seemed nice enough, if a little cold. But now...after knowing what Four had told me about the Divergent that were going missing in the other Factions. There had been one a few years ago in Dauntless. He was Tori's brother. He had moved through the ranks in Initiation too quickly and was caught and thrown off of the ledge into the pit. Jeanine might not have pushed him, but his blood was still on her hands. Regardless of the danger she posed to me, I had to hear what they were saying, for all our sakes. My hands were shaking, and the voices grew close enough for me to hear if I strained,

"The pieces are in place for Abnegation. After the dust has cleared, the other Factions will see that we did what we had to do."

"And if they don't agree?"

"They won't have a choice." there was a pause before Eric replied,

"The date is set?"

"After the graduation ceremony, we've gotten confirmation on the serum. There haven't been any adverse effects on our soldiers."

"Who's making the serum?" There was a pause and my breath caught in my throat, "You're kidding me." My blood ran cold.

"He's a brilliant scientist Eric. As...distasteful as his home life was with the girl, she's out of harm's way now. We must move on. There is no sense to exiling him for something that can never happen again."

"Did you know? About her I mean?"

"Why do you ask?"

"She's in my care. She's promising too, she'll go far in the new Dauntless."

"There were whispers," her tone changed for the first time in the conversation, almost sounding like regret, "If we would have investigated, we would never have gotten as far with the serums as we are now." Eric made a noise, and I could see the look of disgust on his face in my mind,

"She was a child. I've asked her. He started when she was 8... How long did you know?"  
"Too long," after a quick pause her voice snapped back to it's usually emotionless state, "But the needs of the many have to outweigh the needs of the few. One little girl isn't worth losing everything for."

"Maybe it should have been."

"Excuse me? Our work is to ensure the future of everyone in this city. Don't make me question your commitment to our cause."

"She's part of the future we're trying to protect. They all are. Remember that." Heavy footsteps moved away from the room I was in and I heard the front door open.

"I'll see you at the next council meeting Jeanine."

"Goodbye Eric, and maybe you were right about your move to Dauntless. Don't let your emotions get the best of you." The door closed only slightly too hard and I let out the breath I hadn't realized I had been holding in. It came out like a sob.

"Kira." he was at my side in seconds, holding me as I bawled into him.

"She knew. She really knew. They all did." he stiffened for an instant and started to rub my back.

"I know."

"How many more are there that she's willing to sacrifice for the greater good. Fuck the greater good. I was in hell and she did nothing. They all did nothing. How many other kids are there out there that we never heard about. First Four and now me and how many others?" I was in dangerous waters here. I was hyperventilating and I was so god damn angry. I was talking about the kids being abused in their houses, but I was talking about the Divergent kids too.

"Shhh I know. We'll fix it."

"How?"

"I don't know." He pulled me onto his lap and cradled me for what felt like hours. Eventually I had sobbed myself out and he carried me to the living room, tucked me under a blanket and set about reheating some breakfast for us. He was so tender with me. Loving almost. Maybe it would be safe to tell him...

"I wasn't just talking about the kids like me..." He froze at the stove and I saw the muscles of his back tense through his shirt.

"I know Kira. But we can't talk about this OK? What Jeanine said has to stay in this room do you hear me?" He didn't look at me. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't exactly give myself up, because as much as I trusted him to keep me safe, there was just as much of me that was terrified he'd turn me in.

"Ok."

"Ok" He relaxed just a little, "Do you...do you think I'm a monster?" Thank God he wasn't looking at me.

"I think you're trying to do what's right." Even though every cell in my body was screaming yes. I think killing innocents is monstrous. I couldn't do that to him. And even more than that I was scared of his reaction if I did. I didn't know how deep this thing ran. Clearly he was having second thoughts, but how much of that rhetoric that Divergents are evil and dangerous had really stuck with him, and how much of it was just Jeanine in his head, telling him it was for the greater good. He said nothing, and we ate in silence. Before I left he stopped me at the door,

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" I looked at him, and unable to totally lie said,

"Sure." I stood on my toes and kissed his cheek, "Thank you for everything." As I walked back towards the dorms, I knew that would be the last night I spent in Eric's apartment.

"She said what?" Tris, Four and I were at our secret spot swapping what little information we had.

"We have until the initiation. But it's only two weeks away. They're planning something with Abnegation, and it's something bad. She mentioned serums. Four can you try to look into that?" He nodded, looking solemn.

"There are a lot of good people in Abnegation too Tobias." He looked up at me, and seemed to steel himself.

"I know."

Tris and I walked down to The Pit, and I had to convince myself I was hungry. Al's betrayal, and our impending divergent doom weren't doing much for my appetite. What were they planning with Abnegation? We had decided it had to be some sort of attack, on the higher ups maybe? For them to need soldiers, we had to assume it would be violent. Better to prepare for the worst. We sat down with Christina and Will, and quietly told them where we had been the night before. Four and Eric were at a table across from us, and we exchanged small smiles.

"Tris?" Al's voice made my stomach turn, and she whipped around to meet his gaze.

"Get away from me."

"Please. I'm so sorry, just let me-" he tried to reach for her  
"Never touch me again! Stay the Hell away from me!" she stood up with us, and backed into Christina, who moved to stand in front of her with me. Al stood there, sobbing, but I couldn't find it within myself to feel pity for him.

"Go." I tried to inject my feelings into the word, but it just came out sounding tired. We sat back down, and Eric and I made eye contact again. His eyes were questioning and they flicked towards the exit, but I shook my head slightly and put my arm around Tris. He nodded. My stomach flipped and again I was scared by my feelings. How could I feel so close to someone who was potentially behind an attack on Abnegation, who had all but confirmed to me he was hunting Divergents? We could communicate without a word, but our values were worlds away from each other. Pushing down my inner turmoil, I focused on Tris.

"Are you ok?"

"No. I'm not." for once not pushing aside her own feelings, and owning up to them. Letting herself be held by Christina and myself. Letting herself be comforted. We forced ourselves to eat, and then headed to the gym to work off some frustrations.

It felt good to sweat out my feelings, to hit something and feel the raw power of my fists connect with the bag. To feel like I could hurt something. We stayed there for hours, finally making our way back to the dorms only after we were physically spent. As we turned a corner we saw a crowd had formed at the base of the chasm. A rope was slowly being pulled upwards by Four and Eric.

"What's going on?" I asked Tori, who was standing in the crowd.

"They found a body." Even before I saw the lump at the end of the rope I knew. I turned to Tris and pulled her to face away. She looked up at me,

"Is it him?" I forced myself to look at the body, and although he was covered in blood, and his skull not the shape it should be. I could tell it was Al.

"Yes." Tris collapsed into me, and Christina and I half walked, half carried her back to the dorms. We barely slept that night. Even though I was exhausted, I couldn't stop thinking about him. Should we have been kinder? No. Should we have forgiven him? No. But how could I forgive Eric and not Al? By all accounts he had committed more terrible acts, and under nowhere near the same amount of stress. Or was he? I tossed and turned, my morality and ethics and feelings all roiling around inside my head. It made me hot and itchy and annoyed.

The next few weeks were a blur, I tried to avoid Eric, it was easier to plot against him when I wasn't kissing him in the hallways, and it was easier to forget that maybe he was the monster he feared he was. We learned nothing in those few weeks, but we were able to plan for the events that could happen. We squirrelled away some guns, some food, and some healing salves. As soon as initiation was over, we'd go to Abnegation and try to warn them. It was impossible to warn them before, Dauntless was under lock down. No one was allowed to leave, they said it was to help the initiates focus, but then why were the full Dauntless members being forced to stay inside the compound? Four had tried getting an outside duty, but had been refused. So we only had one option, and that was to wait.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted this on FanFiction.net. Hoping to pick it up again. Hit a real dry spell with writing in general. Let me know what you think!


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